Relationships are work. When people say this, many people feel a strong rejection. After all, we are used to the idea that work is something boring, hard, and unpromising.
That is why half of the population of our country is not eager to go to offices, factories or open their freelance laptops every morning.
The same goes for relationships. If you have to be a pro here, then what is the point of all this? Especially when you just need the ease of being and love, says Pavel Rakov, an expert of the online publication Belnovosti, a psychologist, coach, and creator of the cult training “In fact, I’m smart, but I live like a fool.”
However, the connection of a couple includes everything: the ease of being, feelings, work on relationships, compromises, and eternal development with changes. This is not a terrible and absolutely not monotonous work, which will benefit both parties. To do this, sometimes it is worth asking just five questions to your partner and listening carefully to his answers.
The main rule is to remain calm, even if what was said did not please you and somehow offended you.
That's why you talk, so that in the future you don't step on the same rake.
And one more important nuance. Try not to dump all the questions on your life partner at once. Look for quiet evenings alone, good occasions to talk about one topic. However, the very first one can be raised more often.
1. What would you like at the moment?
If you want to please your partner, find out his plans for the evening or weekend, understand what to cook for dinner, always ask this question. This way you will learn about the person’s real desires, and at the same time you will not waste your energy and time on completely unnecessary actions.
After all, if a man wants a simple and unpretentious dinner, then you don’t need to slog at the stove for hours. The same applies to joint walks, shopping, watching a TV series with pizza or popcorn. You can always find a compromise, and postpone some things for later if one of you is very tired.
2. How can I show my love to you?
Each person has their own love language. Some talk more, others act. And still others combine both, and are also good serenade singers. That is why this question touches on the difference in love languages.
For example, a girl would like to receive more flowers, and not only on holidays, but just like that. And a man has long wanted to ask his beloved to leave him Friday evenings for meetings with friends or a couple of hours of computer games. And he would be incredibly happy if his partner trusted him and calmly let him go to a bar or into the virtual world. After all, trust for gentlemen is an indicator of love.
3. What should I change in myself, in my habits?
And we're not just talking about bad habits, although changing them is a top priority for any person. It's quite possible that you're irritated (and irritated!) by some little things about each other. He hates being called "my teddy bear" and the girl's mania for sweeping the floor immediately after each meal. And she may not like his habit of pulling the blanket off her at night and leaving the toothpaste tube unopened. Something to think about, right?
In this case, you will have to change somehow, not immediately, but gradually, if you, of course, want to save your relationship. After all, it is the details, often the most frivolous at first glance, that have led to the breakup of more than one couple.
4. What kind of help do you need?
This question should be asked at those moments when you see that your partner has problems. No one is asking you to help him with work, it is quite possible that you are not very competent in his field. However, you can always listen or keep silent, or instill confidence, or just give him some tea and let him go to bed early in peace, taking on some of the household chores.
However, do not insist if at first your loved one refuses to answer or says that there are no problems. This is often done by representatives of the stronger sex who do not want to burden girls with their troubles. They will steadfastly cope with them until the very end. But sometimes even steel machos need a fragile female shoulder to just relax and be a little boy for a while, who will be sympathized with by his beloved.
5. What should be added to or removed from your intimate life?
Perhaps the most difficult question that both men and women are afraid to ask. Indeed, in our country we are not used to discussing intimate life, but it is worth learning.
You won't get away from the physiological component, and you'll agree that sex is still pleasant. And to make it doubly pleasant, it's advisable to talk about it. So don't be shy about talking about what you like and don't like. Just be sure to remain calm and always talk only about your feelings.
There is no need to point out to your partner that he/she can't do something, isn't good enough at something. Your feelings should come to the fore. Some people don't like kissing in certain places, while others want to try new positions or places for sex.
Take into account what your partner says when wanting to improve the time spent in bed not only on sleep. In a couple, you can always find common ground if you know how to conduct a dialogue, listen and hear.
