How to Let Go of a Grudge Against an Ex-Boyfriend

I'm starting a new life. Now everything will definitely be different.

Tatyana Persiko , an expert of the online publication "Belnovosti", a psychologist, psychotherapist, and relationship expert, told how to let go of resentment towards an ex-boyfriend.

So, where are the other men? The main thing is that they are not like the ex. I only feel irritation and anger towards him. I don't want that anymore!

Resentment eats away at you from the inside. Burns everything to the ground. And then at some point there is a lull and it seems that everything is over, you can start over. But no.

Diagnostics. If you:

• comparing your new boyfriend with your ex;
• you remember his favorite dish and sigh heavily;
• the memories make you shudder;
• you occasionally flinch when you see his features in someone;
• you try to erase everything from your memory, but it doesn’t work;
• be angry at yourself for wasting time with him, for the fact that he is like this, etc.

So you still haven't broken the emotional connection with the past.

Resentment is an emotional reaction. And it includes a whole complex of different emotions. Such as anger, helplessness, pity, sadness, disappointment, etc.

Each emotion is reflected in the body in one way or another, that is, we feel it. Anger is expressed in tension of many parts of the body, helplessness is a more local muscle spasm.

From this we can conclude that resentment towards an ex harms not him at all, but the woman.

How does this affect her life?

1. She meets other men, goes on dates that end in nothing. Because the man unconsciously reads her tension, he becomes uncomfortable around her, and he disappears under any pretext.
2. Internal tension uses up a lot of energy. A woman doesn't notice it. She wakes up - she's already tired. Yes, emotions are no less exhausting than physical activity.
3. She finds the right man. Starts building a relationship with him. Everything is different from before, butterflies in the stomach, a holiday in the state of mind. And then suddenly - and something goes wrong. How did it happen? Where did this flashback come from? Why did this ideal man become like an ex?

We can change the people and scenery around us as much as we want, but one thing remains unchanged. Our strategy of thinking, behavior and habitual emotions.

All these habits, and they are habits, control our lives, even if it seems to you that this is not the case.

A familiar life scenario, a relationship scenario, will create a clear, simple picture out of any chaos that fits into your lifestyle.

What to do? Change your habits, rewrite the script. Below is an algorithm for independent work

1. See and understand what is happening in your life at the present moment.
2. What habitual thoughts and actions prevent you from achieving the desired result.
3. If the past no longer bothered you, what would your life be like?
4. New Habits in an Imaginary Happy Relationship.
5. How you should think, what you should dream about, what you should believe in.
6. In what state and with what emotions should you be?
7. Live like this for one day, and then make a decision: to change or not to change.

The steps are very simple, you can follow this algorithm yourself and test new hypotheses. This is how your attitude to life changes, new habits are acquired and a new choice appears.