There is a huge amount of information on the Internet about how a woman can survive a divorce. But what about a man?
Tatyana Persiko is an expert of the online publication "Belnovosti", a psychologist, psychotherapist, and relationship expert.
For some reason, it is believed that the man is in a more advantageous position. Probably because most often the children stay with the woman and the man has a lot of time for work.
But finances aren't everything. What's going on with his emotions?
From childhood, a man's emotions are devalued:
- "Don't whine, you're a man."
- "Men don't cry"
- "Don't whine, be a man"
How can you not be sad, not disappointed, not afraid, not angry? Of course, by hiding all these feelings deeper.
But no matter how hard you try to contain them, they will still break out sooner or later, and at the most inopportune moment.
Usually men solve this problem easily: get drunk with a support group or go on a drinking binge alone, quickly find a mistress and change them every day.
You understand that this is not an option.
It's like screaming to stop feeling pain instead of treating a sore tooth.
The stages of restoring internal balance after divorce are similar for men and women, but with certain nuances.
Step 1. Give yourself time to experience sadness, melancholy, and sorrow.
I know it doesn't sound natural for a man, but it's important. We all experience the same emotions, regardless of gender.
Giving free rein to sadness and other experiences, how can a man who is used to being strong and not losing heart do this?
Choose a certain period of time, for example, 1 hour from 9-10 pm and give in to your emotions completely. You can even shed a tear, because no one will know about it.
Repeat the ritual until you get tired of it and the experiences stop dragging you on.
Step 2: Remove everything that reminds you of the past.
Get rid of or hide things that evoke associations and strong emotions.
Don't follow your ex on social media, this will only make your wound worse.
Instead of thinking: how can I get everything back, I was such an idiot! - What do I need to change in my life now to become comfortable?
Step 3. Get completely immersed in your work.
During this period, you can do something that you couldn't do in your normal life and set a record. This will help you not to scatter your attention, but to learn to concentrate on one important thing.
Step 4. Expand your social circle.
Find new hobbies and new friends, communicate more. This will help you understand that life goes on.
Gradually include new women in your life.
But not earlier than at this stage, so as not to burden them with your difficult experiences and not to take revenge for someone from the past.
Step 5. Just live.
Enjoy and enjoy every day, life is beautiful.
It is advisable to go through these 5 stages sequentially, one after another. The duration of each is individual, from several weeks to several months.
However, there is a risk that you will get stuck in one of them for a longer period. In this case, a psychotherapist will help you: shorten each of the listed stages and recover faster and return to your normal life.
