For a long time in our country psychology was stigmatized, turning to a psychologist was something out of the ordinary, it had to be kept in the strictest confidence. And of course, there was no talk of any child psychology.
Yulia Vatutina, psychologist-psychotherapist, coach, explained why it is important for parents to know child psychology.
An entire generation claimed that psychology is harmful because it forces people to delve into themselves and their childhood, and to blame their parents for all their failures.
"We were brought up without these books of yours, and nothing, we grew up normal," say people who are all in need of psychological correction and quality professional support. This statement is also wrong because it is based on the belief that no special knowledge is needed for upbringing, that raising children should be intuitive, that every person is endowed with this knowledge. But this is not so.
What does child psychology study? And why is its knowledge necessary and useful for parents?
Child psychology studies, first of all, periodization. Simply put, what skills should a child have at a given age, what physiological and psychological changes occur in him, what developmental crises he goes through and what difficulties he faces. So, how will this knowledge help a parent?
- Distinguish between norm and pathology.
The most common question parents ask themselves (especially parents of the first child): "Is this normal?" Is it normal if a child does not listen, screams, expresses his emotions violently, is afraid, gets angry, fights, does not sleep at night, cannot read and write, and so on.
If earlier we encountered a large number of children who were not examined properly, including psychologically, then recently it has become very fashionable to slap a diagnosis of ADHD on any fidget, prescribe Phenibut or suspect autism. And, of course, drug treatment makes a child calmer and more assiduous, but it also kills all curiosity and spontaneity, all desire for development and disclosure of personality.
Having read books on child psychology and having mastered a couple of simple diagnostic techniques, you can understand that everything is fine with the child (or not fine and it is time to see a doctor), that violent expression of emotions in preschool age is normal, that the frontal lobes are responsible for the feeling of shame, which mature only by the age of three, so shaming a two-year-old who has thrown toys around is a futile exercise. You can learn that schoolchildren and teenagers often have depression, which can disguise itself as apathy and laziness.
- Collaborate with your child and help him or her through developmental crises.
Our development inevitably goes through crises. Any mother knows that if her baby has trouble falling asleep, behaves like a little devil, then in a few days he will show some new "skill". Mental energy is enough for only one thing - either to develop new skills in yourself, or to maintain discipline and be obedient.
A parent familiar with child psychology will not throw up his hands to the sky and say: “Why is all this happening to me?” His reaction will be much calmer, because he knows that any crisis inevitably ends.
Knowledge of psychology will help a parent to resort to the “carrot” more often, correctly motivating the child, than to the stick, because no one likes to punish children - children of psychologically savvy parents are more accommodating and obedient.
- Avoid making mistakes that will make you feel excruciatingly ashamed and hurt.
Whatever you say, the most important thing is warm human relations. Of course, you can hammer it into a child's head through violence and obligation that he is obliged to take care of elderly parents and bring a glass of water, but everyone wants a sincere and warm smile to go with the glass of water.
And this can only be achieved by giving warmth, sincerity and patience in due time. Studying psychology, including children's psychology, will help keep relationships warm and trusting, so that grown-up children want to spend time with their parents.
- Help your child develop emotional intelligence.
They used to say that a high IQ is enough for success, but a brilliant but unpleasant person is good as a TV series character, but not as an employee or partner in life. People with developed emotional intelligence achieve much greater heights than smart nerds.
Emotional intelligence consists of 4 components - the ability to recognize your emotions, other people's emotions, the ability to manage your emotions and the ability to manage other people's emotions. Unfortunately, this is not taught in schools.
If a parent wants his child to be truly successful, he can help him with the help of knowledge of child psychology.
- Help a child cope with stress or grief.
Life is full of different situations. Stress (for example, during studies) is an inevitable thing, but there are situations that are even more terrible – divorces, emigrations (especially forced ones), death of a relative. Even pleasant events, such as the birth of new children in the family, weddings, can be a huge stress factor for children of existing ones.
This can lead to such undesirable consequences as insomnia or, on the contrary, constant sleepiness, nocturnal enuresis, nail biting and other trauma. A parent who knows child psychology will protect the child from this and will be able to properly support him and help him survive difficult times.
In a word, knowledge of child psychology is beneficial no matter how you look at it. First of all, for the peace of mind of the parent himself.
