“But Vanya/Masha/Petya…”, “Other people’s children are just children, but you…”, “But when I was your age…” – parents say all these phrases when they want their child to be ideal and to be proud of.
Why do our parents say this?
In most cases, the root cause should be sought in the low self-esteem of mom and dad and their lack of fulfillment.
Most likely, at this moment they are thinking that even though they themselves did not achieve their goals, they raised an excellent child.
Parents use such expressions not to offend their child, but to motivate him and set him up for success.
What do such phrases lead to?
Very often, children who were addressed with such expressions grow up with an inferiority complex.
They are not confident in their abilities, they feel like they are not doing everything well enough.
Such a child, having become an adult, sets the bar high (sometimes too high) for himself and overestimates his expectations of himself.
How to fix the situation
The only way out of this situation is to allow yourself to be imperfect.
Lower your high standards and accept that you have shortcomings too.
Allow yourself to leave some things unfinished, relax and soberly assess the opportunities that you have.
