Parental, and especially maternal, phrases often become etched into memory and manage to subjugate a person throughout his or her life.
He is already an adult and independent, but his inner child is still restless and seeking his mother’s approval.
Many mothers do not even imagine the destructive power of the words spoken and are sincerely surprised by their children's grievances. Like, what is there to be offended by? The upbringing and the desire for the best?
Psychologists highlight phrases that a normal mother would not say to her own child, because the child would simply hate her.
"Everyone's children are just children, but you..."
Or, as an option: "But Zina gets straight A's!" In other words, any comparison will definitely not benefit the child. He will hate not only the mother, who clearly sympathizes with some Zina, but also Zina herself.
Of course, a toxic mother will not admit her own mistake: she will also find a rock-solid excuse for herself in the spirit of “you’ll thank me later.”
But no one will say anything either later or now. On the contrary, it is quite possible that the grown-up child will answer the aged parent in a similar spirit: "Others have normal mothers, not like me!"
"This is my home, and you are nobody here!"
A child is already dependent on his parents, but if he is constantly reminded of this, he will grow up embittered and cynical.
He will perceive any pronoun in the spirit of “mine” or “his” inadequately (“my apartment”, “with my own money”) and take it out on his hated mother for the ruined childhood.
"You are stupid (fat, slow), I am ashamed of you!"
Firstly, the mother herself is overly insecure if she says such things to her own child.
Secondly, she is ill-mannered and clearly has an inflated self-esteem, but the child, “unfortunately,” does not live up to her expectations.
It turns out that the problem is not in him, but in her.
But a woman, naturally, takes the path of least resistance. You have to work on yourself, and here you can easily shift your personal complexes onto your children's shoulders.
The result is usually tragic and bitter: the unhappy child grows up hating himself and his toxic mother.
"Nobody is offending you, you're making it all up!"
There is an even harsher version: "You are completely sick in the head!" Alas, this is also said, and not by some abstract friends, but by real mothers.
It is clear that hatred will arise quite early: the mother is ready to trust strangers, and not her child.
Therefore, in any situation she will behave similarly. And calling a child "sick" is completely beyond comprehension, but, of course, only for adequate people. Such a mother clearly does not belong to them.
"Who will need you?"
This is a classic for any abusive mother. She simply does not know how to live if she does not speak out about the child's need or uselessness.
Naturally, she is the only one who needs children, they are so terrible and worthless! They have only two options: to resign themselves or to start doing everything to spite their mother. Both the first and the second options are initially wrong and imposed.
A person cannot live according to his own convictions; he absolutely needs to prove something to his mother-tox.
Therefore, parents need to be careful with their words and not throw them around.
However, toxic people do just that: they deliberately look for a child’s sore spots and hit them right there.
They get real pleasure from observing the results of their "efforts" and molding children into obedient, insecure robots without will, feelings or character.
The most interesting thing is that in old age such bad parents are surprised: why don't they visit and love them? They gave life and raised them correctly, where does this ingratitude come from?
Earlier we talked about why you need to learn to listen to children .
