In matters of upbringing, people often do not stray far from their own parents.
In other words, they repeat the behavior pattern accepted in their family, which, unfortunately, is unsuccessful.
The key role here is played by phrases that mom and dad love to tell their children. Often, after some of them, the child grows up nervous, twitchy and emotionally unstable.
What kind of parental words can have such a negative impact on a child’s worldview and self-esteem?
"Let's talk at home!"
This is a classic of the genre, although in fact neither the father nor the mother said anything overly scary.
However, the child is already completely thrown off track, and if he hears this regularly, then by school age he is already a full-fledged neurotic.
What's the point here? Most likely, the parents simply don't know how to talk.
The word "talk" is equivalent to "punish", so the child starts to have a nervous tic after this phrase. He understands that in reality no one will talk.
They will start insulting him, scolding him and punishing him, but they will not talk to him as a full member of society. Translation into children's language:
"At home we will beat you with a belt, call you names and punish you!"
"If you misbehave, we'll give you to a neighbor (policeman, stranger)!"
Another common childhood "scarecrow": the child sincerely believes that his parents might give him away to someone.
This significantly undermines trust: the father and mother are not perceived as close and dear, but as some kind of terrible and inhuman types, capable of abandoning a son or daughter to satisfy their own whims.
In this situation, strangers and supposedly terrible "aunts" seem more humane and sincere than such soulless relatives.
"You won't achieve anything!"
In principle, it’s not very frightening, of course, but it hits your self-esteem and is quite painful.
Moreover, the child understands: his parents treat him as a consumer. They will love him only if he succeeds. And if he fails to become an excellent student and the pride of the country, then the attitude towards him will be accordingly.
"You have nothing of your own!"
With these words, parents simply form an inferiority complex in their child. At this rate, he will not learn to defend his personal boundaries and fight back against impudent people like his relatives.
"We're working our asses off for you, and you..."
This is the formation of a sense of guilt for the fact that a person was simply born. In other words, he is still small, but already owes something to everyone.
After all, the parents accomplished such a "feat": they decided to give birth to him! Overly emotional and eccentric mothers also add something like "you'll drive me to the grave."
That is, the responsibility for the mother's well-being also automatically falls on the children's shoulders. This is how infantile people manipulate their children and are not at all embarrassed about it.
So, making a child suffer and be afraid is actually easy. The only question is why and who needs it?
Is it really impossible to just live and calmly fulfill your parental responsibilities regarding upbringing?
Previously we talked about how to raisestubborn children .
