In the world of modern parenting, there are many methods and schools of thought that promise to turn you into a super parent.
However, no matter which method you choose, there are two key principles that remain the same: openness and emotional communication, says Relief therapist and transpersonal psychologist Nadezhda Narutovich .
Eric Berne, a renowned psychiatrist and author of the book "People Who Play Games," introduced the concept of "adult-adult" into psychology. He argued that as adults we are capable of constructive communication, and this type of communication should be the basis for our relationships with our children. What is this concept?
Openness and Position Adult - Adult
Openness is the understanding that your children are individuals, each with their own feelings, thoughts, and needs. Your job as a parent is to accept them as they are, rather than trying to create younger versions of yourself. By approaching parenting with an open mind, you create an environment in which your child can tell you about their joys, worries, and sorrows. This is how the bridge of emotional communication is built.
The "adult-adult" position includes the understanding that both the child and you are adults with an equal right to their feelings and opinions. Your role is to be a support, a guide, a source of experience, but at the same time you must respect both the child's feelings and point of view. This creates an atmosphere of mutual respect and trust.
The Importance of Emotional Communication
Emotional communication with a child is more than just talking. It is understanding and respecting his feelings.
There is nothing more important than letting your child know that their feelings matter. When a child feels that their emotions are important and will be heard, they develop emotional intelligence - the ability to manage their own emotions and understand the emotions of others.
Acceptance and unconditional love
The key to successful parenting is accepting your child for who they are, not for who you want them to be. There are times when parents think they are showing their love by spoiling their child with whatever they want. However, this is not always an expression of love.
Unconditional love is when a child knows that you will always support him, even if he makes mistakes. For example: if a child got a 2, that's bad, not that he is bad, and at that moment you demonstrate to him that you do not love him and you do not need him. In no case should you shift responsibility for your emotional state onto your child.
Strictness in education
At first glance, strictness and emotional communication may seem incompatible. But it is important to understand that strictness does not mean the absence of emotions and communication. It means setting boundaries and rules that are necessary for the healthy development of the child.
Emotional communication allows you to explain the meaning of these rules and boundaries. The child sees that they are not imposed from above, but are based on caring for him.
Permissiveness or Love
Sometimes parents mistakenly believe that loving a child means giving them everything they want. This misconception leads to permissiveness and ultimately to undisciplined, unhappy children.
Parenting Mistakes: Projecting Your Own Desires onto Your Children
The article would be useless without talking about parenting mistakes. One of the common mistakes in raising children is projecting one's own unfulfilled desires and ambitions onto them.
Psychologist Alfred Adler contributed to the study of this problem. He noted that parents sometimes seek to fulfill their unfulfilled dreams through their children.
For example, if a mother has always dreamed of becoming a successful musician, she may try to persistently teach her child to play an instrument, without taking into account that the child may have completely different interests. Why is this important?
Psychologists believe that children who grow up under the pressure of parental expectations and imposed goals may experience internal conflict and fear of failure. This can lead to a feeling of inadequacy and even to the adult child's distancing from their parents in the future.
How to avoid this mistake
In order to avoid projecting their desires onto their children, parents must actively listen to and understand their children. They must consider their children's interests and needs, rather than insisting that "I know what's best for you."
Open and emotional communication with children helps to better understand their unique traits and helps to create an atmosphere of support and mutual understanding.
Conclusion
Parenting is an art that requires a balance between guidance and freedom, support and independence. By avoiding common mistakes, such as projecting one's own desires, parents can help their children develop into strong, confident individuals.
Openness and emotional communication play a decisive role. Emotional enrichment of the child, acceptance, unconditional love and support create a reliable foundation for his future development. However, it is also important to remember the balance between strictness and tenderness.
By setting strict boundaries, parents help children navigate this world, where there are certain rules and responsibilities.
Remember the "adult-adult" position from Eric Berne's concept. Support children, but do not spoil them, educate them, but do not give them a sense of permissiveness. Children brought up wisely will be able to develop their emotional intelligence, gain a sense of self-worth, and become confident adults.
Children are our future, and investing in their emotional development will never be in vain.
Expert: Nadezhda Narutovich
