How to stop taking it out on your loved ones
Many of us face the fact that, when experiencing some difficulties in life or experiencing accumulated stress, we simply take it out on loved ones - these could be family members, children, friends or a love partner.
After this we feel guilty.
We are discussing with psychologist Ksenia Matur how to identify aggression in time and stop lashing out at loved ones without reason.
It is important to understand the reason for your aggression. Most often, these are our unmet needs or unexpressed aggression in some situation. For example, your boss yelled at you, you were answered rudely in a store, someone stepped on your foot on a bus, or a car splashed you with water from a puddle.
Perhaps you have some problems at work or banal PMS, internal tension accumulates, and you may not even realize that there is a time bomb inside you that can explode at any moment.
Anger is a useful emotion. It is what allows us to understand that our boundaries and interests are being violated. Realize and accept your emotions. When communicating with friends, relatives and partners, we can feel an unpleasant, uncomfortable feeling.
It is important to understand what exactly we feel now and the reason for the anger. Mentally accept this feeling, agree that we have the right to experience negative emotions towards the person we love.
Speak out what you don't like. There is a concept called "I-message" - this is when a person talks about his feelings, experiences, without blaming the other. It is important to talk calmly about your feelings to your family and close people.
True, we can't always talk about our experiences and release aggression. Tension builds up, and it's easier and easier for us to snap at the most inopportune moment and on the most defenseless and beloved people. Therefore, there are several excellent ways to relieve tension.
1. Take up a hobby: knitting, drawing, music, dancing. These activities relax and allow you to release emotions through creativity.
2. Sports. Any kind of tension can be easily eliminated with the help of physical activity that you enjoy. Boxing or other types of fighting help to live and process anger. This is a great opportunity to get all the emotions blocked in the body.
3. Get a pillow to hit, draw lines in a notebook, tear paper, scream, break an unnecessary object.
These are methods that can be used here and now, and are not time-consuming. They are suitable for absolutely everyone. The main thing is to stock up on a stack of waste paper and pillows for beating. A great option is to shout in the forest, field or just in the car.
As a conclusion, I would like to quote the words of an unknown author: "The wise understand that another person's aggression is his request for love." In order for anger to become not our curse, but an auxiliary tool, we need to understand our feelings, accepting the nature of their phenomenon.
