Psychologist Yulia Bidzha told what stages people go through in relationships
In relationships, people go through three main stages.
Psychologist Yulia Bidzha told us what stages people go through in relationships.
The first stage - the first level of love - is a relationship at the level of sexual fights. People live on passions, their relationships are built on sexual attraction, and problems are solved at the level of conflicts and compromise.
Compromise is when we choose one of the options. It seems like one has won, the other has lost, but in reality both have lost.
Just one now, and the other in the long term, because the loser now will at best harbor a grudge, and at worst - will take revenge. Time bombs are already laid in this relationship, there will be constant competition in the couple.
At this level, people are jealous, consider themselves each other's property, experience passion and the feeling of “you are mine - you are mine” for each other, and constantly manipulate each other.
At the first stage, love really exists for a maximum of one to three years, because it is quite difficult to live in such a state of constant conflict and emotional swings for more than three years.
And after 3 years people either break up or move to different bedrooms and try to avoid each other. Cheating, problems and attempts to get rid of each other begin.
The second level of relationships - the partner is my mirror. People understand that the partner is a mirror. And if I don't like something in my partner, it means that it is in me, and I need to work on it.
When a conflict or problem arises in a couple, each partner does not try to cure the other person and explain what he needs to do differently, but works on himself and his manifestations. It is impossible to reach the second level of a relationship if only one person works on himself.
It is possible to grow to the second level only if both people in the couple understand what it is about - they work on their psychological development, psychological health, maturity. And both understand what each needs to pay attention to now.
What happens if both do this? Issues and conflicts are no longer resolved at the level of compromise, but at the level of reconciliation. Reconciliation is when both partners are able to see the problem higher and deeper than it currently is, and find a solution that both partners really like.
It’s not like: “Okay, I’ll compromise now, but tomorrow you’ll compromise with me.” They see that, in addition to these two options, there is a third, fourth, fifth, and they find a development that truly suits both partners.
As a result, both are happy, no one feels defeated or victorious.
The third level of relationships is unconditional Love. When both partners reach such a level of understanding of life and love that they love themselves and their partner unconditionally. This means without any conditions.
A person has no demands and expectations towards himself, he accepts himself as he is and moves towards development. But not because he doesn't like something now, but because he likes what he has so much that there is no way not to develop it - what I see is so cool, I walk in absolute happiness, and I want to do it even brighter and even more.
A person absolutely accepts his partner, without wanting to change him, improve him, or fix him. Without any hope that someday a miracle will happen - the partner will change and become better. A person with such an understanding of unconditional love also accepts and loves the world and this Universe in general.
He has no unjustified expectations, no anger towards other people. He has no enemies, because he does not see people as enemies and competitors. He does not see problems in this life. He understands that there are tasks that need to be solved, there are goals before him that can and should be achieved, but he does not perceive this as a problem.
It is possible to reach the third level of relations only through long-term interaction in a couple, with complete trust, with the desire of both partners to develop and, of course, with the presence of absolute spiritual and psychological maturity, adulthood of both partners.
