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How to stop swearing in the family (at home)
24.09.2024 13:00
Adults, children and especially teenagers speak to the world, including through the language of symbols that correspond to the accepted conventional norms in the culture that is relevant to a certain group with established role expectations.
Symbols are a means of cultural identification. Their meaning was clarified and substantiated many years ago under certain conditions by Y. Lotman.
One may wonder why in public places people shock others with their appearance, or use foul, obscene language, or, to put it simply, swear.
The definition "obscene" is not very suitable for the topic, since in the Old Russian language it has a completely different meaning, with the synonymous concept of a fight, a struggle. Frequent obscene words and expressions in speech are a habit, fashion, tradition, and a challenge, - says psychologist Andrei Kashkarov .
And also a way of self-expression and identification, allowing to quickly find like-minded people with the same patterns of behavior and "linguistic" stylistic communication system. All these are distinctive elements that for a certain circle of people visually indicate "I am one of them".
Not always a protest
Symbols by which adherents of one culture (for example, youth) recognize each other are also an expression of protest. But against what? Here we need to understand specific cases - how it is designed, justified by specific people and circumstances.
Sometimes protest does not carry destruction in itself, and on the contrary, destruction appears when unauthoritative people try to nip mild forms of protest in the bud.
Protest begins with inattention to the needs of the individual or attempts to ignore them. Young men and women, especially in their teens, are very sensitive to this.
It is appropriate to warn some, especially “boiling” heads against the desire for “simple solutions” — to prohibit and criticize; because you will be “answered”. Teenagers know how. In any case, the critic must be authoritative. To be authoritative — you need to know people and their culture. Then — yes, you can regulate and talk “on equal terms”.
However, it is easiest to label “marginal” (etc.), especially in a situation of conditional public approval - this is not dangerous.
And it is much more difficult to show attention, to clarify the cause-and-effect relationship of phenomena, and to socialize, at least try informal methods, representatives of alternative cultures. You need to know such teenagers and adults, talk to them, try to understand, respect their opinion and only in this way will you gain authority for them.
As a rule, both in society and among administrations, people making decisions follow a different, simpler path - to scold, to prohibit...
Labels such as "rude", "not ours", "upstarts", "bandits" and so on should not be replicated; they can have the opposite effect. Mass culture, based on long-standing traditions of protest and distinction, popular among young people with its own stable elements, slang, style - only develops better from prohibitions, although it will go into the shadows under threats, but it will not die.
How to react
If this demonstration and outrageous word-formation bothers someone, it is appropriate to react calmly - a person has the right to interact in society. As for possible violations of current laws, they are quite clearly described in the relevant codes.
In order to determine the guilt or censure of the “speaker” of obscene language, in addition to proving the time, place and event of the offense, it is necessary to clearly distinguish between the concepts of “public place” and the actual words spoken by a specific person.
For example, a public transport stop (pavilion) located far from residential buildings at four o'clock in the morning, when there is no one nearby, is not considered a "public place" according to the law. Neither is one's own apartment.
Theoretically, you can swear there as much as you like, and some people do. The only thing that can be an undesirable factor, falling under other offenses, is swearing at home in the immediate presence of minors. But these are already details.
No one is “more equal” than another, and it is advisable to clearly understand the right of other people to any protest activity, if it is carried out within the legal framework.
To change the legal field, they use the corresponding legitimate mechanisms of legislative power. This is the most understandable and, in general, the best way to correct in society the "strange" or "eye-catching" elements of self-expression of other people.
What to replace
A conditional example of belonging to a certain culture are tattoos on the body and even "decorated" with "incomprehensible" adult words-definitions of the state of their wearer - "lol", the verb "shame" (to shame, to criticize), or other typical speech of representatives of youth culture. At the same time, "lol" - translated into adult language - means uncontrollable laughter in the manner of "I can't stop laughing".
And the next superlative is "rofl" - from [rolling on the floor laughing] - literally means to roll on the floor laughing. Alternatively, you can say "under the table" or even "patstalom".
By the way, there is also a verb "рофлит" meaning to tease, joke, play pranks. Not always harmlessly. However, the "special" language of speech and symbols is also an element of isolation, elitism of culture with a clear motto - "my language is only for my own".
A specific person's belonging to a certain style (worldview, corporate spirit and group of like-minded people with similar role expectations from each other) is determined not by one, but by several elements of verbal self-expression. As an example, an illustration - they are listed above. It is not a matter of age, but rather the systematic manifestation of self-expression, style and symbols.
Alternative to the ban
So, banning or condemning "obscene" expressions and their distributors is a rather popular but ineffective path. This path has been followed for hundreds of years, because in different times and countries, different expressions were in use, considered obscene or devaluing.
In addition, the sources of formation and distribution of "obscenities" are known. First of all, these are places and situations with an authoritarian system of subordination and danger to life and health, as well as situations in which strong emotions are expressed.
Examples of this include prisons and penitentiary institutions (special boarding schools are an option), communication in army units, sports competitions, and others.
But much more interesting and effective are practical recommendations for replacing “habitual” swear words with more ordinary ones.
Specific recommendations
A). Raise the level of intelligence, interest in the meaning of some words. For example, in the Old Russian language (with roots in Little Russia) the imperfective verb "ховать" was used.
An action verb with a transitive type of conjugation - according to the classification of the Soviet and Russian linguist, academician of the Russian Academy of Sciences in the Department of Literature and Language, Doctor of Philological Sciences Andrey Anatolyevich Zaliznyak - means to take, hide, conceal, secretly store something.
But professor, one of the founders of the Moscow School of Comparative Studies A.A. Zaliznyak does not publicly consider in his concept the simple form of the imperative mood of this verb.
And it sounds like "х.й", meaning hide, save, that is, act. And nothing else. No need to guess... In approximately the same way, from a parental position, you can explain the meanings of words to children of the appropriate age, instead of bashfully avoiding the answer.
B) Use meaningful substitutions. Obscene words and expressions can be replaced. Instead of outright rudeness, say "pipets", "ё-мё", invent other figures of speech, pay attention to the youth slang that is actively developing today. Special dictionaries are already being created to provide translation "from Russian to Russian" in order to better understand young people.
In addition to the examples of expressions described above, one can recall “вкрашилаs” (fell in love), “шипперить” (discuss possible versions) – examples of modern slang in a certain subculture and communities with clearly expressed role expectations.
It is, of course, easier to swear, because some words have capacious forms - as Nikolai Vasilyevich Gogol wrote, "he will slap a word - like a passport for life", but why not show creative thinking and criticize others more gently?
If you don't like a person (in a cultural environment it is customary to criticize not a person, but actions) - don't tell him to go far away and for a long time, but just say "toxic", "disgusting", "pig" and so on. Show an example of cultural address.
Having collected a small list of correct swear words, practice them, and soon a habit will form, and you won’t even notice how you’ve stopped swearing.
Remember how the funeral master Bezenchuk swore, according to the version of the outstanding masters of artistic words I. Ilf and E. Petrov, he said: "to hell with her". But he could have sworn more expressively... The commandant of the fortress, staff captain Maxim Maximovich in "A Hero of Our Time" by M. Yu. Lermontov expressed his mood like this: "uuuuu... mother of his pig". But it is completely clear what the Caucasian officer meant.
There are many versions and variations of phrases worth studying that essentially replace curse words with softer, and sometimes more accurate in meaning, ersatz and mimicry.
Another benefit for a cultured person in replacing swear words or trying to do so is inventing their own substitute expressions. This is a truly creative and interesting path - try it. After all, they don't criticize, insult, beat, or even shoot you for it. What if it works?
B). Read a lot of fiction - it helps to broaden your horizons and worldview, and most importantly - your vocabulary. Also, from books or by being interested in history, scientific research of the past and not only Russian and Belarusian specialists, you can learn a lot about the traditions and examples of swearing in other countries and in different historical periods.
For example, the Finns swear differently than the Japanese; each nation has its own words, traditions and peculiarities of obscene (profanity) vocabulary. This is for those who "can't eat bread", but only want to "express themselves". For others, calmer and more educated natures, the method of "acculturation" will suit. In the same topic - literature.
By reading a lot (you can read in any form, including e-books), you expand your vocabulary and move as far as possible from Ellochka Shchukina’s dictionary, which, as we know, consisted of 30 words.
Instead of “expressing oneself strongly” by chance or habit, such a well-read individual forms in his memory and fills the air with more interesting figures of speech, which in themselves make the opponent or interlocutor think, sometimes literally putting the latter into a “stupor.”
For example, instead of saying “I’ll give you a hard time right now,” it’s appropriate to say “I’ll give you a nose like half past eight,” instead of demanding “get out of here,” you can phrase the message more softly and interestingly, for example, “could you leave me and grace this world with your presence somewhere else?”
Russian literature and its authors, outstanding cultural identifiers of Russia, provide many good examples: Lev Nikolayevich Tolstoy, Anton Pavlovich Chekhov, Nikolay Vasilyevich Gogol, Leskov, Kuprin and many others.
D). Change (choose) the environment of communication. A typical person involuntarily copies the behavior of another, authoritative person, right down to slang expressions, intonations and gestures. Have you noticed that not only dogs and owners, but also husband and wife and two lovers in a couple can be outwardly similar to each other? Children copy the habits, emotional reactions and behavioral patterns of their parents.
So, a person copies. But what and when, and most importantly - why? Because there is a constant (regularly appearing) and, importantly - authoritative - example before his eyes. It is not for nothing that they say: "you will learn from who you hang out with."
Hence the intermediate conclusion: communicate in circles where it is not accepted to use foul language. And accordingly, do not set such an example yourself. I assure you, very soon a positive example in a new, more respectable group of communication will give results: and you will stop "swearing".
Yes, it should be noted that cultural representatives of humanity, who have experience and three higher educations (the author), and the chairman of one of the parties S.M. Mironov (experience and four higher educations), famous journalists, writers, artists (F.B. Kirkorov and others) know important words from obscene vocabulary. But they do not practice their use.
As one writer said: "I know many things, but I don't like many." Yes, there are times when you literally can't hold back. For example, during military operations. Even if you have five higher educations, a strong word will still fly out of your mouth every now and then... We are only human.
And no one can be guaranteed against mistakes. The main thing is not to make them a habit and systematically repeat them. However, taking into account the proposed and specific recommendations, many are not deprived of the opportunity to show themselves in a positive cultural sense.
