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How to Stop Being Afraid of Relationships After a Negative Experience
10.09.2024 10:00
Updated: 27.09.2024 21:06
Many people have had negative experiences associated with unmet expectations from partnership (family) relationships.
Moreover, there are plenty of complaints “on both sides”.
People end relationships and get divorced regardless of material circumstances or status – presidents, successful businessmen, housewives and janitors.
However, this is not a reason to perceive men or women in the future as worse than Koshchei or steamed turnips.
New relationships are the best way to forget old ones, and also the best way to show yourself from your best side – by drawing conclusions from past experiences – and to increase self-esteem if it has suffered, says psychologist Andrey Kashkarov .
It is important to let go of the old
In order to start a new relationship from scratch, it is important to let go of the old one. If this seems impossible, this method will do: write a letter in any format.
You don't have to send it. This way you will express your grievances, complaints, wishes to your ex-partner - let go of emotions - and at the same time you will not cause psychological trauma to the other.
Engage your intelligence
What people call fate is the sum of the stupid things that have happened. It is not a matter of snobbery or philosophical approach.
And the fact is that a person who has “let go” of suffering is less dependent, less in need of approval or authority created for him by others, including relatives. That is, he acquires a better ability to solve problems independently, quickly and effectively.
Banal recommendations like "plunge into work" or fill your free time with solving everyday issues will help, but not everyone and not always. Intellectual development, building logical chains, and identifying complex patterns work much better, and sometimes in a complex of different ways.
It is important to give the brain an intellectual load. Those who succeed in their abilities will more easily survive negative experiences, knowing about the imperfection of people in general.
Focus on healthy lifestyle and nutrition
In addition, everyone probably knows about the benefits of long sleep (instead of “sitting out” on the Internet at night), sports, travel, new positive and surprising impressions and acquaintances.
The importance of proper nutrition is often overlooked. Vegetables and fruits, in general natural products, rich in essential microelements for the human body, change the composition of the blood, give energy to the brain and a feeling of physical energy.
Among the little-known facts, it is appropriate to cite as an example the biochemical connection between the genotype of the oxytocin receptor in the body and human behavior; some results of the research on the “happiness hormone” were recently published by scientists from Krasnoyarsk.
A sufficient and even slightly elevated level of oxytocin concentration in the body makes the behavior of not only adults, but also teenagers more social, sociable, emotionally stable, and active.
On the other hand, according to the same results, a mutation in the oxytocin genotype and a decrease in its level provokes behavioral disorders, a tendency towards depression, problems with prosocial, destructive or deviant behavior and hyperactivity.
This is not about advice on the use of a drug with the same name for the endocrine and reproductive systems - these recommendations are the prerogative of qualified doctors.
And in a conditional new discovery. Having studied the composition of oxytocin, scientists came to the conclusion that the drug also affects the productivity of milk yield in cows and goats.
In particular, with appropriate and dosed exposure, goats give the standard milk yield in just 5 hours (from the end of the previous milking), i.e. up to four times a day without any danger to the animal's health. Instead of two milkings in the morning and evening.
Of course, with high-quality nutrition with natural feed. Nevertheless, in the goats' milk after the described systematic influence, the level of the "happiness hormone" was also increased.
What seems informative and promising is further research and understanding of the possibilities of even “human happiness” against various forms of affective mood disorder (depression), which are believed to affect millions of people around the world.
Possibilities of Renewing Relationships
Another way in certain circumstances is to restore the relationship and forget the negative experience. However, this largely depends on the specific people, circumstances and characteristics of the relationship.
When re-establishing a relationship, people feel very good at first, especially in contrast to the previous period of “suffering” or memories – for some it was unpleasant.
The main thing in such a scenario is not to repeat previous mistakes, to be able to forgive the imperfections of the partner and to create relationships again in a new format, that is, taking into account the rethinking of the previous experience. And thus to forget, to close the "negative" with new positive impressions.
There are other opinions. For example, "To reconcile with a person and renew a broken relationship is weakness. You will have to repent of it when he does the same thing that caused the breakup at the first opportunity" - the lines are attributed to the philosopher and misanthrope Arthur Schopenhauer. But you don't have to take the philosopher's word for it, since situations are different.
Nevertheless, man is a creature with a large reserve of adaptability, and if you really want to, then taking into account all that has been said, you can restore an acceptable emotional background up to harmony. As they say, "Gagarin could, and you can too."
