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Why Being Open and Vulnerable in Relationships Is Beneficial
25.03.2024 16:00
Modern man finds frankness dangerous, so he shows it only in extreme cases, in the context of close, trusting relationships.
In response to your frankness, the other feels personal security, an urge to share their own opinions, experiences and stories. They become mutually frank.
Frankness brings people together. But it is also a provoking factor associated with vulnerability.
The problem is that people, interacting, regularly violate each other’s personal boundaries and, with their reactions, sometimes unconsciously, harm a loved one and a trusting relationship.
A person becomes vulnerable and dependent on the actions of another, who can use the same frankness to harm. This has a cumulative effect.
That is, you want to be frank, you act, you receive frankness in return, and when it does not meet your expectations, you get offended. First at your partner, and then at yourself for taking the initiative in frankness.
You don't have the opportunity or don't want to talk about it. Just as you don't want to resort to frankness anymore. It's a vicious circle. A crisis of trust sooner or later happens under the influence of the burden of unprocessed gestalts - unresolved grievances, - says psychologist Andrey Kashkarov .
And it is extremely difficult to restore even partially lost trust. In words, that's for sure.
However, without frankness, close relationships, although possible, take on peculiar forms. It turns out that communication is harmful. Yes and no.
The intermediate result depends on the characteristics of people, their level of empathy. And also goals and motivation. An exotic example in a couple is deaf and blind, of course, in a figurative sense. Yes, you can live like in Japan, where husbands rarely discuss personal emotions with their wives.
What to do
If you want to continue the relationship, you need to work on it. As a useful option, joint actions and work on joint plans, involvement in each other's affairs and actions to achieve common goals are important. The method of regularly "apologizing" helps.
Farewell
"Forgiveness Sunday" has a special biblical meaning, but many perceive it formally, in the projection of "convenience for themselves." And sometimes they wait for the first to start apologizing to the other (after all, he is to blame for everything!). Nevertheless, Forgiveness Sunday for improving relationships in a couple can be introduced into a daily tradition, and this will only benefit each other.
High expectations are harmful
Stop creating inflated expectations from your partner by the power of thought. Then there will be fewer disappointments. And to understand what you can expect (and what you can’t) from your partner, talk and discuss, get to know him better, and don’t just state your goals and desires.
The release of emotions is important
It is normal to react emotionally. Come to terms with this idea. If you suspect something or “imagine” something, it is better to ask about it directly, rather than use versions and speculations.
An outsider always "knows better" and will advise you on things you didn't expect. Therefore, take outsiders' advice conditionally.
The first reaction of a healthy organism is the tension of psychological defenses of the individual. In order not to feel bad, not to traumatize your psyche as a result of events and reactions of other people by an analogue of medical anaphylactic shock, an outburst of emotions and compensation are necessary.
Limiting them leads to dissatisfaction and even illness.
The same is important for preventing emotional burnout, diagnosed as a pre-illness condition and related to stress associated with the difficulty of maintaining a normal lifestyle (ICD-10 code Z73). Interim conclusion: don't be silent, talk.
Why is frankness still important?
The search for the meaning of life is important as a category of a living mind. In life, life itself is important. Every day and every hour. Then – self-realization in various forms.
The more frank you are, the more you feel life and do things the way you want, that is, you remain yourself - you “live” with impressions, events, emotions (and no one has cancelled reason), that is, you act without regard for conventional “rules” or someone else’s opinions.
There is certainly an element of true freedom in this. Yes, there is a time to love and a time to be angry.
Talents, gifts, success in any field in this case are rather limiting factors. Everyone has a lot of them, and nature distributes them unevenly, without taking into account personal circumstances. Because such are the times, such are the heroes. Success can be measured by what you did today better than yesterday, under comparable conditions and situations.
Frankness and "vulnerability" in relationships essentially saves the relationship itself from breaking up. When these components are missing, alarming prerequisites for disagreements arise.
Alarming prerequisites
Pay attention to your personal feeling that you are better than the other person. An atmosphere of superiority, when you do not maintain a dialogue and do not admit your mistakes, leads to negative thoughts about the partner and the prospects of interaction, and ultimately provokes a break in the relationship.
This is what happens when old grievances and unresolved issues in a relationship are not worked through, leading to systematic negative thoughts about the partner. And vice versa, readiness to openly discuss disagreements is the way out of the conflict and subsequent emotional harmony.
It's much harder to do than to say. But it's quite feasible for people. It's not like hammering ship nails...
Earlier we talked about how to understand that a relationship is doomed .
