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Psychologist Andrey Zubenko told how to build relationships
12.12.2023 17:23
Summer, a cafe in the city center. A young man sits at a table and looks impatiently at the entrance.
Psychologist Andrey Zubenko told how to build relationships.
A girl appears and walks towards him. It is obvious that this is their first meeting. I hear snippets of conversation, and sometimes I involuntarily glance in their direction.
The girl's phone is constantly beeping, and she is constantly distracted by messages. Twenty minutes pass like this.
The young man goes away somewhere, the girl continues to look at something on her phone. After a while, the waiter comes up to her and says quietly: “Girl, the young man who was sitting with you has left, but don’t worry, he paid the bill.” I won’t describe the girl’s expression.
What went wrong?
The thing is that an important moment in building relationships, especially at the initial stage, is active listening, showing interest in the partner. And the girl was constantly distracted by the phone, lost the thread of the conversation, often asked again.
This is one of the living examples of how a budding relationship can be destroyed.
About self-knowledge
Relationships are built between two individuals, each with a unique set of values, strengths and weaknesses, and expectations.
And here we are faced with a paradox: despite the individuality of each partner, the key to a successful relationship lies in the ability to combine this diversity into a single harmonious whole. And the starting point in this is self-knowledge, which forms the basis for the future development of the relationship.
Being aware of our values, desires, and expectations allows us to imagine what we are looking for in a relationship and how we can bring our unique contribution to it.
Listen, open up, support
It is very useful to master the skills of active listening. Try to understand your partner, give him the opportunity to speak. Ask him questions and listen carefully to the answers.
Spend time together: do a hobby or sport together, cook new dishes together, go to the theater, travel together.
Talk more often about your feelings and expectations, open up to each other, share plans for the future.
An atmosphere of trust and security is important in a relationship. Always support your partner in all their aspirations, be it career growth or personal development, and not only with words: help around the house, sit with the children while your partner is busy.
Learn to negotiate and don’t be afraid of difficulties
It is important to be flexible and tolerant of differences in opinions and preferences. For example, if one wants to go to a Chinese restaurant, and the other prefers Russian cuisine, you can find a compromise: today we go to a Russian restaurant, tomorrow - to a Chinese one.
Yes, and a woman should have the right of first choice. Gentlemanly behavior has not yet been cancelled.
Work together on all conflicts and difficult moments: this will create a relationship that can withstand difficulties. As Russian proverbs say: "One head is good, but two are better" and "Husband and wife are one Satan."
Building relationships requires attention, patience, and mutual understanding. And with the steps outlined above, you can create a solid foundation for developing deep and harmonious relationships.
Previously we talked about how to protect your relationship from cheating .
