Psychologist Paulina Zolotinskaya told how to get out of an abusive relationship
It would be more correct to ask the question: not “how to get out..?”, but “how not to get into them?” But, unfortunately, a rare person can boast of the absence of such experience.
Psychologist Paulina Zolotinskaya told how to get out of an abusive relationship.
The most important thing for any age and gender is to know yourself, accept and appreciate. Such simple things, it would seem, but for some reason they are either not fully developed or are absent altogether.
Of course, the reasons for getting into an abusive relationship most often have their origins in childhood. Often, but not always. If we talk about the most common ancestors of this path, then these are relationships with the mother.
Yes, yes, with mom, not dad. Mom is the first and often the only significant adult who creates conditions for the development of the psyche and, accordingly, mental processes in the child.
And if these conditions transmit to the psyche such "normality" as comparison, underestimation, belittlement, strict restrictions, deprivation of will and the ability to make decisions, then this environment is recorded as successful for functioning. A person grows up and begins to look for a familiar environment.
Enough has been written about abusive relationships. What can a person do to get out of this circle?
No matter how strange it may sound, the primary thing is the request. Internal and deep. This is the internal understanding: THAT'S IT, I can't do this anymore and I don't want to.
It is not formed from the presence of bruises on the body, not even from a broken jaw, not from deprivation of food and shelter...no.
For everyone, this last line, the last straw happens at the moment when death is next. Some people just need to endure physical, and some need to endure psychological destruction. The statistics are sad.
Those who do not complete the work on personality transformation return to their abusers in 80% of cases or find others. That is why the algorithm for reprogramming oneself when leaving an abusive relationship is so important.
It is very important to get support at this moment, so that you have the strength to cope with fears. The brain will throw doubts, not because it likes what is happening, no.
Because it knows what reactions and actions a person produces. In the case of exiting the usual zone, the brain will be forced to build unfamiliar, new neural connections, to look for new ways of life, which is interpreted by it as a threat.
After you have found reinforcement (be it a psychologist or family or friends), the next step is to form an understanding of "HOW I want to live." Consciousness needs to be given a vector of action so that at a certain point it itself creates opportunities for a prosperous reality for the individual.
There is a lot hidden in this HOW: where am I? What am I like? What do I do? Who do I communicate with? Where do I work? How do I want to be communicated with?
Of course, with a specialist the path will be shorter and easier, because you will have to build personal boundaries, work through childhood traumas, pump up internal and external supports, recreate self-worth, increase self-esteem and thus get out of the Abuse scenario once and for all.
Success depends entirely on a person's intention. It may not work out the first time, but that's no reason to give up. Sometimes it takes years to realize something important. The main thing to remember is that there is very little that is truly impossible in this world.
