Psychologist Lyutsiya Suleimanova told how to separate from parents
In life we go through several stages of separation.
Psychologist Lyutsiya Suleimanova told how to separate from parents.
In childhood, a child already begins to see his parents with real eyes, to notice not only their positive but also their negative sides, and stops idealizing them.
Then the so-called devaluation begins – the first stage of separation. The next stage is teenage rebellion, when parents are not an authority for the child.
When the surrounding crowd in which the teenager finds himself takes an authoritative position.
The last stage is when the child returns to the family with adult experience. Then he begins to build relationships again. This is such an ideal scheme.
If we are talking about how an adult can separate from parents, then there are some nuances here. What is a sign of non-separation? This is getting stuck at the stage of rebellion, when any mother's remark causes strong internal discomfort or a strong emotional reaction.
That is, the person is still in the state of a child, which depends on how the mother evaluates the partner, work, choice.
In order to allow yourself this separation, it is important to do an exercise. The point is to look at your parents through the eyes of an adult, to describe their pros and cons from the point of view of raising you.
This exercise is very helpful in seeing reality, as well as mistakes that you may have already repeated or would not like to repeat. It is also important to note the strengths.
After you have described all this, there is the next stage of acceptance, which begins with words of gratitude to these wonderful people. When you feel from within this deep gratitude and respect for their opinions and mistakes, including, it means that you have gone through separation.
You are a separate person who treats your parents as very beloved, close, but separate people from you.
It should be understood that separation can begin at 18-19 years old due to leaving for study or life circumstances. But according to research, it is believed that 23-24 years old is a good time to go out into independent life.
Advice for parents whose children are separating.
1. It is important to have very close marital ties at this time. If there is harmony in the relationship between mom and dad, it will make separation easier for the children.
2. You need to have a plan for the time when you have free space in your apartment and life that the child occupies. This is a great time to take care of yourself and the things you once dreamed of.
3. Agree with your child about when you will contact and meet, go on trips together, and what family traditions and rituals you will maintain. This will be your connection, which will give your child support, and will give you the feeling that there is no emptiness in your home and life.
