Psychologist Alena Savinova told how to avoid a crisis in a relationship
There is no way to avoid a crisis in family relationships.
But there is no need to view this situation exclusively in a negative light, and even more so to blame the huge number of divorces in Russia on the crisis.
Psychologist Alena Savinova told how to avoid a crisis in a relationship.
According to data for last year, out of 10 registered couples, 7 break up, and by June 2023, there were 333,970 divorces out of 371,060 marriages. The main reason is “their personalities didn’t match.”
Anything could be hidden behind this delicate formulation, including the inability to negotiate in a difficult situation.
A crisis is always a transition to another level, a change in events, a transformation of a life situation where this is possible.
Speaking about the development of the family system, we distinguish crises of 1 year, 3, 7, 11-13, 23-25 years of married life. This periodization is consonant with the stages of the formation of the personality of each of the partners, and their personal transformations.
In addition to temporary crises, the most ordinary events that disrupt the usual course of events can also be a serious shock: children go to kindergarten, buy a new apartment, return from maternity leave or, conversely, stay at home with a baby for the first time, etc.
It is important to remember: a crisis always contains energy for change. The main thing is to go through this process ecologically, so that no one suffers, so that the relationship is preserved and develops in a new way in the next stage of life.
For example, a husband was laid off. This is a crisis for the family, because its head lost his job, his social status changed, his emotional state, the family income fell.
The wife has her own concerns related to the fact that she will have to take responsibility for material resources into her own hands, cut expenses, and many other issues.
In such a situation, it is important to talk openly and directly about your feelings and experiences and establish new rules.
If previously there was an agreement in the family that the wife takes care of the house, the household and the children, and the husband earns money, then in the changed situation it is necessary to renegotiate that while the wife is responsible for the family financially, the husband takes on the task of picking up the children from school, taking them to clubs, and partially takes on housework.
This way he will understand that he also plays an important role.
Men and women have different basic needs. If you take this into account, any crisis can be lived through calmly, as much as possible, avoiding emotional outbursts and accusations.
And vice versa, without taking into account gender characteristics, it will be impossible to come to an agreement, to agree on new rules, the tension will begin to mount. If this happens, it is better to immediately contact a specialist.
Basic needs of men: recognition, loyalty, sex. If, after losing status, business, the partner still has recognition and loyalty of his wife, she does not punish him with lack of intimacy, then the man will feel calmer and will show readiness for open dialogue.
The wife will be able to discuss with him her feelings, his next steps and plans for finding a job or building a new business.
This will make her feel calmer, because the basic female need is for security and gratitude.
If a man is grateful to her for supporting him, taking responsibility, understanding and believing in him, he will solve all the issues.
