Content
Psychologist Stanislav Sambursky debunked myths about a man's return
27.08.2023 10:50
For many women, parting with a man is like death. Loneliness weighs on them, the pain does not subside, and memories do not allow them to forget. Against this background, a dreamy image is created in which the former lover also suffers, repents, and understands that he loves madly.
Sometimes dreams come true. One day he shows up on the doorstep and makes such speeches that Hollywood can rest. Here it is! I waited! Now everything will be different. He will change, life will turn into a fairy tale. Alas, but this is false, says psychologist Stanislav Sambursky .
Men's behavior is sometimes unbearable: betrayal, lies, insults, entertainment, violence, etc. A woman reaches the limit and kicks her husband out for many years of suffering. Surprisingly, everything is forgotten later. She wants to prove to the whole world that he loves her, has realized everything and is ready for a lot. Naivety of the highest stage, which has a lot of supporters.
It is difficult, and even absurd, to pity someone who voluntarily goes to unjustified suffering. Memory cannot be completely erased. It stores the pain and despair of years lived, character traits, habits, rude words. Who will be to blame for the next suffering? Definitely not the man. Yes, he is a liar and a scoundrel, but the second time the woman will suffer not because of him, but because of herself.
Many people believe in this myth. The psychologist gives two arguments to dispel all doubts.
When they love, they don't leave
It is difficult to imagine a breakup in a harmonious couple. It can happen during a quarrel, but the emotions will subside and everything will be forgotten. It is another matter when the relationship is constantly difficult: there is no understanding and respect. Instead, one constantly hurts the other.
Is this love? When a person is dear to you, you want him to be happy, and if not, then a heavy atmosphere is created, pushing you to break up. If there was no love then, where will it come from later? It is worth remembering: you don’t leave love, you leave when everything is bad. You should not give in to illusions about your loved one changing. It was bad then, and it will be bad now.
Habit plays a significant role here: everything is known and understandable with him, there is no need to get used to something new. But love is not identical to habit - it is the dominant feeling. The most correct decision is a fat point, after which a new life begins with a new partner.
Returning amid present setbacks
It is difficult to find a person who would regret a progressive decision. For example, a family with many children takes out a mortgage. It is too cramped to live in a two-room apartment with three children, a dog and a cat. A mortgage is a way out of the comfort zone, because you may not be able to afford it. But a balanced decision and the prospect of improving living conditions outweigh it. Scary? Of course! But after a while, the tension goes away, and everyone enjoys it. Even the dog will not want to return to the old apartment.
People move forward every day, take risks, are afraid, but try to change their lives for the better. Of course, not everyone achieves their goals. You have to take a step back in order to take two steps forward. The main thing is not to lose heart and not to return to the past, although the temptation is great.
Let's say a woman failed to build a relationship with a businessman. She gets upset and decides that men of that level are not for her. Then she fails with the second and third. As a result, the thought is born: "Since it doesn't work out with others, I'll take my ex back. He promised to improve."
In this case, it is not love. At the same moment, the man experiences the same relapse. He lived alone for some time, met other women with whom nothing worked out, and thought: "Why not go back to where it was good?"
Once separated, then separated forever. Live without substituting concepts and do not deceive yourself.
