Psychologist Katerina Buldaeva told how to preserve feelings
How can we preserve our feelings when we hear phrases like “Don’t be afraid of losing someone” on every corner?
Psychologist Katerina Buldaeva told how to preserve feelings.
"People who are destined for life don't get lost. Those who get lost are destined for experience", "What is ours will not leave us. What has left was not ours", "Losing a man is not the worst thing. The worst thing is losing yourself because of him".
In pursuit of increasing self-esteem and developing self-love, representatives of the fair sex go to the other extreme.
The state of “I won’t do anything myself, everyone owes me, and I’ll sit by the window, waiting for a prince on a white horse, who will do everything for me.”
And this is an extremely wrong strategy of behavior; in such a position the balance in the relationship between a man and a woman is disrupted.
In such cases, a person takes responsibility off himself and shifts it onto another, and the disturbed balance leads to misunderstandings, conflicts, quarrels, separations and divorces.
It is natural that in any relationship there are crises, the main thing is whether two partners are ready to work with such situations. Many are afraid of crises, but without them, a couple cannot reach a new level of relationship.
If crises can be overcome, the union becomes stronger. In any interpersonal disputes and conflicts, there is no right and no guilty.
Only the awareness of this truth and the desire to listen to the other person, hear him and discuss all misunderstandings can save the relationship.
Relationships are always a choice between two adults who choose each other every day. If you don't add wood to the fire, it will go out - a phrase that very accurately describes relationships.
Over time, any relationship changes, on the first dates you pay a lot of attention to each other, you don’t think about everyday issues, about paying for utilities, about children or about repairs.
When everyday life comes to the fore, there is less and less romance in the relationship, and this is the first crack in the union.
It is always easier to prevent than to fix later. There are several preventive steps that allow you to maintain relationships and feelings between partners.
Step 1 to saving your relationship: arrange romantic dates. Plan such meetings, organize them, and put time for the two of you in the calendar.
Make it a rule not to use phones when you are alone.
Every time you can come up with something new: a movie, go-karting, a romantic date at a hotel, and more.
Spend more time with each other, go to exhibitions, for a walk in the park, visit, to the bakery in the morning, on a picnic on the weekend, while discussing your shared leisure time beforehand, and your impressions afterwards.
Step 2: Don’t lose tactile contact, touch each other, hug, kiss your partner before leaving home.
Step 3 to keep the feelings alive: take care of each other, ask each other throughout the day how things are, how the meeting went or how you got to work, you can send funny photos, jokes, emoticons.
Step 4: Always speak up if you are not happy with something, but it is important to speak from the position of your feelings.
Never keep silent about problems, discontent, resentment. Talk to your partner about your feelings, discuss everything, many problems are solved in conversation. This way we do not accumulate problems, but resolve them, not allowing a snowball to form, which will then be difficult to stop.
Step 5 for a healthy relationship: Get rid of the misconception that you can predict your partner's actions.
Each person is unique, he develops, changes, communicates with different people, and accordingly, his behavior scenarios can also vary.
Your partner may do something unexpected for you, sometimes pleasant, and sometimes not so much.
Remain pleasant mysteries for each other, which need to be discovered every time with trepidation and slight excitement.
Step 6: Set common goals and plan steps together to achieve them.
Step 7 to keep your feelings alive: surprise each other.
It is important to always maintain the fire of feelings, emotions, and sensations from the time spent together.
When there is a strong emotional component, overcoming external circumstances and misunderstandings between partners is easy and relaxed.
Any relationship is the work of both participants. The result depends on the quality of joint work. Do not let things slide and do not shift responsibility to another person.
Any relationship needs work, otherwise it will not be possible to build a harmonious union.
