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Psychologist Nadezhda Yarchenko explained what love is
29.06.2023 19:05
What kind of dish is love and what is it served with? There are two types of love: conditional and unconditional love.
Psychologist Nadezhda Yarchenko explained what love is.
If we talk about love between partners, then it is, of course, conditional. Why? Because we love our partner under certain conditions.
First, we pay attention to appearance, charisma, attractiveness... Then we will talk about something deeper.
True love is a warm dish. Because in reality, when we love a person, we experience warm feelings. In love there is respect, sincerity, passion.
So what is love?
Love is cooperation. That is, when you do something good for your partner, then in response he/she SINCERELY wants to do something even better for you.
In response to this, you also SINCERELY want to do good for your partner. After which he responds in kind. And so it continues as long as people love.
But that's not all!
There is a concept called “codependency,” when people use relationships to cover some need that they have not fulfilled in their life experience.
For example, a father raised his hand against his daughter, shouted at her, said that she needed to be an obedient girl and then he would not punish her. The father forms a sense of security in girls. The security of this world.
Having become a woman, without having worked through her childhood trauma, she will most likely look for a person from whom she will receive support and protection. Thus, closing her need. This is not love. This is benefit, codependency.
She may also, thanks to her beliefs, believe that she needs to earn her husband’s attention, she needs to be a “good girl” and then he will love her.
In the future, this is a feeling of guilt, sacrifice and exhaustion. This is also not love.
There are many examples from my practice. But if you want true love, you need to be initially filled.
And before building a relationship, you need to be like a full vessel that wants to share its contents.
When you build relationships from a state of exhaustion and fatigue, do not expect love. When you are full, you want to share and receive.
Only the most important factor is sincerity.
Thus, concluding that love is a sincere desire to give good to another person! This is an energy exchange between partners from a state of fullness, and not the fulfillment of one's needs.
If you are in a resourceful state, then you will attract a fulfilled partner.
True Love is based on healthy relationships, where there is no place for jealousy, resentment, accusations. Often people believe that codependency is love.
But no, think about what these relationships give you? What do you get from these relationships?
If you want to get married so that you don’t feel lonely, so that you have someone to take care of, so that you feel needed, valuable, protected, so that you feel supported.
Know - this is not love! Often people look for partners because of their own fatigue, to throw off responsibility from their shoulders. In such a state it is impossible to cultivate such a feeling as love.
The words "I can't live, breathe, or exist without him/her" speak of a codependent relationship. A person completely dissolves in his/her other half, forgetting about himself/herself.
Where is the love here?
In order to love and give love, you must first love yourself. As the Bible says: "Love your neighbor as yourself!" That is, love for yourself first appeared, and then for another person.
Thus, it follows that... Love is cooperation, it is partnership, energy exchange, it is a sincere desire for happiness for another person from a state of fulfillment!
The first step to meeting true love is to work through your traumas, cultivate your value and inner support. Be happy!
