Psychologist Yulia Kuznetsova told how to maintain interest in each other
Relationships, like any other phenomena in our life, go through certain stages of development.
Psychologist Yulia Kuznetsova told how to maintain interest in each other.
At first, in the early stages of falling in love, the relationship takes the form of a certain symbiosis: partners can dissolve in each other, devote all their free time to each other, be interested in everything that worries the other.
It seems that a truly happy life without each other is simply impossible. This is normal for the beginning of a relationship, when partners get to know each other.
This ensures the foundation for a shared future.
Then the first passion subsides, the partners begin to treat each other more calmly. At this stage there is still a lot of tenderness between people, but in some sense a gradual distancing from each other begins.
In fact, this is an illusion: each of the partners has always been a unique, inimitable individual, it’s just that the differences attracted less attention than everything that united the lovers.
The third stage of development of any relationship is characterized by an even more obvious perception of each other's differences.
This is usually a crisis period for a couple: the first wave of falling in love passes, we stop idealizing our partner and finally see him as a whole, with all his strengths and weaknesses.
Moreover, the latter often become a discovery for us: it seems that none of this was there before, as if the person has changed for the worse.
And because of this, partners often cool off towards each other. It may seem that love has passed and interest in each other has disappeared.
This happens because people often perceive this stage as a signal to end the relationship, rather than as a crisis period that can be overcome.
Crisis has enormous potential: in itself, it suggests the possibility of growth, positive changes for each of the partners and for the couple as a whole.
Successfully overcoming a crisis always means building something qualitatively new.
The stages of relationship development are similar to the stages of individual maturation: at first, the child is in a symbiotic relationship with the mother, since he depends on her in everything, gradually acquiring more and more independence.
A striking example of a normal crisis of individual development is the 3-year crisis: the child begins to protest, becomes stubborn, often capricious.
This is how we begin to learn to express and defend our position. This can confuse parents and lead to conflicts with the child.
And this is precisely what becomes the signal that parent-child relationships are moving to a new level.
A relationship crisis is somewhat similar to the one described: partners relearn to express their individuality, to set boundaries, while remaining in contact with each other. It's just that the quality of this contact changes.
However, the crisis period is often accompanied by unpleasant experiences. How can you help a couple overcome it without losing interest in each other?
Realize that what is happening in your relationship is normal. Unpleasant thoughts and emotions are our reactions to change, not objective reality.
If you recognize the pattern of development of the relationship and decide to go through it together, then this is already an indicator of the importance of maintaining unity.
Be sincere in your feelings both to yourself and to your partner. Remember that your partner cannot read minds, and in order to understand what is happening to you, it is important for him to hear it from you.
Sincerity ensures trust – the foundation for building relationships between any people.
Try new things together. People often bond over shared experiences, so don't be afraid to bring new shared experiences into your life.
Explore your personal boundaries and the boundaries of your partner. Where in your couple is there space for common activities and hobbies, and where for your specific goals? Where is there room for your partner's desires?
Remember that the peculiarity of our psychological boundaries is their flexibility depending on the context.
Don't forget to take care of yourself as well as your partner.
Focus on the positives of the relationship you're in, not the negatives. What important things does this relationship provide you? How has it affected you?
What have you learned about yourself while being with your partner? What values and dreams do your relationship reflect?
Of course, maintaining interest in each other can only be ensured by the mutual desire of both partners to develop the relationship.
Therefore, do not forget about the limitations of your area of responsibility: we can only control our own actions, but not the actions of our partner.
Be honest with him and allow your partner to bring his unique contribution to your relationship.
