Psychologist Yulia Kuznetsova told what phrases you shouldn’t say to a man
Words can hurt. This is true for any human relationship, including the relationship between a man and a woman.
Yulia Kuznetsova, a psychologist at the online platform Gran.rf, told us what phrases you shouldn’t say to a man.
Let's figure out how some words, even those thrown out by accident, can negatively affect your relationship with a man.
"You won't achieve anything." No one likes to have our desires, goals, and efforts devalued. At the same time, every person needs to be believed in.
Therefore, such a phrase thrown out in the heat of an argument can, firstly, hit self-esteem, and secondly, devalue the partner’s personality in the eyes of the other, which negatively affects the relationship as a whole.
"Other men do, but you..." You can substitute absolutely anything here. We all don't like it when we are compared to other people, when we are presented in a negative light.
Moreover, such a phrase devalues masculinity.
"Be a man!" Something like this is usually said in the context of a ban on showing feelings, vulnerability, weakness. In our culture, there is still a ban on the gender-based "undesirability" of emotions.
However, suppression of one’s own emotional reactions (sadness, disappointment, fear) often leads to the accumulation of tension, which, among other things, can be expressed either in the form of an emotional outburst or in the form of disorders, including somatoform ones.
“You’re a man, you should…” This formulation reduces a person’s personality to a set of functions determined by gender, erasing his or her versatility and uniqueness.
Yes, of course, we all have some degree of responsibility towards other people (for example, our parents, spouses, children), but the degree of this responsibility cannot be strictly determined by gender.
A man is not someone's "debtor" by definition, just like a woman is not. He can choose to take on or not to take on certain obligations, but this does not make him obligated.
"I don't care what you think." It is important for any person to be understood and heard. This is especially true for close relationships.
And it is also important for a man that his opinion is taken into account, or at least allowed to be heard.
Otherwise, a person quickly loses interest in those relationships where his value as a participant is questioned.
“And here’s my ex…” Another example of comparison, only now not with abstract “ideal” men, but with a very specific person.
This phrase can be interpreted as an increased interest in past relationships at the expense of the present.
At the same time, it is also important for a man to feel interest in himself from his partner and to remain the focus of her attention.
"It's all your fault." A manipulative phrase often used by relationship abusers (who can be both men and women) in an attempt to shift all responsibility for failures onto their partner.
