Psychologist Andrey Kashkarov told how to get out of a relationship painlessly
The exit from a “personal” relationship is experienced more easily the less dependent the representatives of the “couple” are on each other; we are talking about moral, material and other types of support.
Accordingly, the conditionally deep mutual integration of the interests of partners (former partners) complicates a complete exit from the relationship.
This is why it is not uncommon for such relationships to be renewed from time to time: too many things can connect people – from joint mortgage payments, jointly owned apartments, to shared children.
Psychologist Andrey Kashkarov believes that it is quite possible to "get out of a relationship", but the whole question is what to consider "relationship" and "get out". There may not be any intimate relationships, but the conventional everyday ones will continue. As well as the exact opposite.
To “liberate” yourself and your partner, you don’t have to swear and throw stones.
It is enough to talk and outline your innermost desires, growth plans, aspirations; as a rule, it is this frankness that cools the partner's ardor regarding long-term goals and prospects for joint "happiness". For when people strive to be together (and a man and a woman are completely different substances, also in thinking), they find reasons and emphasize unifying principles, actions, events, thoughts.
That is, they strive for a compromise in relationships, try to hear each other. Consequently, in such a situation, when each has a formed character, the conditional shortcomings or circumstances of the other have to be “tolerated”, sometimes adjusted, sometimes dissembled, in order to preserve these relationships. Why is another question, because each in a couple finds something good in the partner and something that complements their own imperfections; therefore, in fact, the relationship arises and continues.
So, in order to destroy a relationship, to exit it correctly and civilly, sometimes it is enough to just stop tolerating the shortcomings of the other, to openly talk about the sore point in the context of the impossibility of continuing the relationship due to the discrepancy between plans, principles, aspirations and the reality that the future offers them.
With a reasonable, civilized and adequate approach of both parties to the issue of continuing the relationship, as a rule, the decision is made relatively easily, and people part for a while (sometimes comparative experience helps to understand the value of a former partner) or forever.
There are often situations when one of the partners “loves, and the other only allows himself to be loved”, while people have long learned to express their feelings in words beautifully), that is, with a pronounced “skew” of demands and possibilities, and the desire to endure all this. When one wants to end the relationship, and the other - to save it.
But even in this case, desire alone (one-sided desire) is not enough - sooner or later, even if you drag it out, hold on and endure, the relationship will end. Relationships are built by two people, and both are responsible for them, and in conflicts, two people are also conditionally to blame.
For a painless exit from a relationship for a specific person, it is important that the moment of “exit” itself is predictable, thought out, prepared, that is, not unexpected or sudden; for this, of course, preliminary work is important.
