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Psychologist Inessa Spinka explained why men avoid emotional attachment to women
15.05.2023 20:17
It is in the family that the foundations are laid that will influence the entire future life of a person. Including the experience of the first emotional attachment.
Psychologist Inessa Spinka explained why a man avoids emotional attachment to a woman.
Attachment is a danger
The ability to form a strong emotional bond depends largely on whether a man has had similar experiences in the past.
In particular, very often what is reflected in the relationship in a couple here and now is a projection of what was laid down in the family.
If there was no emotional attachment between a boy and his mother, then he may simply not know what it is.
Intuitively, a person fears everything that is unknown to him. This increases his anxiety, is perceived as something that is fraught with danger. That is why, without having experience of emotional attachment, he can perceive it as something negative.
In this case, when he feels that a certain line has been crossed and the closeness is too strong, he either leaves or pushes the other person away from himself.
Moreover, this can happen both consciously and unconsciously.
As a rule, if this happens, the woman begins to look for the reason in herself. It seems to her that she said or did something wrong, which provoked such a reaction.
She finds herself confused because everything was going well and then suddenly the situation changes.
However, in this case, there is definitely no point in “self-digging”; it is unlikely that the changes were caused by an external impulse; most likely, the man simply had an internal “switch” triggered, and a red light came on: “dangerous approach.”
What to do?
If a man is dear to her and a woman is ready to follow the path of forming his first experience of emotional attachment, then this is quite possible, but very difficult.
At first, the connection in such a couple will be fragile: he will sometimes approach her, then move away again, testing the strength of her psychological stability.
Of course, it will cost her nerves and time, and waste her energy resources. Therefore, I would think a hundred times whether it is necessary to get involved in such a relationship or whether it is better to move away from it.
In adulthood, a person can, if desired, learn to perceive certain events of the past in a new way. However, in terms of emotional attachment, this is not enough, because in fact, without having such experience, you will have to learn everything all over again.
And this is more difficult than learning to walk again. After all, if the skill was once there, then psychologically the person remembers that it is possible, and physically the body is aware of this fact.
If the emotional connection was not formed in time, the moment was missed, then with age it becomes increasingly difficult to work on yourself to form a stable relationship.
And the main thing is that there is no internal understanding of how it should be.
I am not saying that it is absolutely impossible, but the path for such a couple, where the man avoids emotional attachment to the woman, is long. And it is important that both partners are ready for it and want changes.
