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How to Avoid Dependence on a Man: Advice from Psychologist Pavel Rakov
25.04.2023 19:12
It is unlikely that anyone would want to become dependent on another person, for example, an overbearing boss. Or a nosy colleague. Or a blackmailing neighbor who threatens to tell everything about your "sins" to the harsh yard community. You want to maintain your relative freedom in society, belonging only to yourself.
However, for some reason, some women in love are happy to hand over their fate to a man, says Pavel Rakov , an expert of the online publication Belnovosti, a psychologist, coach, and creator of the cult training “In fact, I’m smart, but I live like a fool.”
Yes, it is wonderful when your partner takes care of you tenderly and touchingly! However, are you confusing love and dependence? Just check yourself with this list:
- you are often and groundlessly jealous of your partner;
- you can’t live without your beloved for a minute, and you perceive events without him as a disaster;
- you are ready to get a job in his office so that you can be together all the time;
- you feel pain just at the thought of a possible separation;
- you have merged with your partner so much that you have lost your friends and hobbies, replacing them with his hobbies and his social circle;
- the initiative for decisions is not yours, and the choice always comes exclusively from your boyfriend;
- you are afraid of any changes, even his promotion and slightly longer working hours;
- loneliness weighs on you and makes you feel empty inside.
The maximum number of "yes" answers to these statements reveals you as a person prone to dependence on a partner. What to do? Try to get rid of the bad habit of completely dissolving in your chosen one, and in the future, happily avoid it. Arm yourself with seven simple methods that will help you rise above dependence and find true love, including for yourself.
1. Release control over your partner
You are not God, so you bear no responsibility for the life and actions of another person. And that means there is simply no point in hanging out on social networks, trying to figure out who your husband liked. Or listening in on his cell phone. Or harassing his female colleagues by calling them with threats.
All you can do is discuss certain situations in which you personally don't like your partner's behavior. Just express your attitude to what happened, but don't try to award your man with bad epithets (no matter how much you'd like to!) And remember: as soon as you give him freedom of action, you get exactly the same option.
2. Boost your self-esteem
Dependency directly stems from low self-esteem. So it is worth working on it thoroughly so that it does not finally fall into the black hole of despair. Understand that having a man nearby does not affect you as a person.
You won't be a better person if you have your partner's pants around. But you won't be a worse person if you spend your days alone or with the proverbial cats. Self-esteem is what you think of yourself, not what someone else thinks of you.
3. Work on financial independence
Emotional dependence often goes hand in hand with financial dependence. Sometimes a woman cannot break a relationship that is harmful to her precisely because of the lack of means of subsistence.
Don't follow the lead of a partner who promises you the moon if you retrain as a housewife. If you want to work, work hard, build a career, develop your professional skills. And always maintain your financial safety net materially.
4. Change your attitude towards loneliness
Many women, especially those who faced parental rejection in childhood, strive to avoid being alone at any cost. Become your own kind mom and dad! Praise yourself, pamper yourself, love. Do everything you once lacked. And at the same time, change your attitude to life without a partner.
Solitude can be filled with philosophical reflections, meetings with friends, volunteer work, new information, pleasant rest. This time without a boyfriend is given to you for a reason! But for self-knowledge and certain conclusions. Or for the necessary meeting with a psychotherapist.
5. Keep in touch with your friends
A lover has appeared — and friends are forgotten! This is a common situation. But you should not distance yourself from your loved ones for the sake of your relationship. Continue to meet with girlfriends, have picnics with colleagues, organize get-togethers in cafes and dance at corporate events. But also let your partner be in his usual social circle. This is how trust is born, which will protect you from addiction.
6. Don't give up your favorite activities
Don't give up your favorite hobbies as soon as a man appears in your life. You may have to rearrange your schedule a little, but don't give them up completely.
After all, it was your hobbies that made you the person your partner liked so much. By putting your favorite things on the shelf to gather dust, you end up losing yourself. It would be nice if your couple developed some common hobby a little later.
7. Offer your ideas
The initiative does not necessarily have to come only from the man. You can also offer your ideas on how to spend the weekend, vacation or winter holidays. Just do not try to implement them at any cost. Sometimes it is worth compromising: today - to the cinema, as you wanted, tomorrow - to football, as he wants.
This applies not only to spending time together, but also to shopping, major purchases, and developing relationships (from going to the registry office to having children). Remember that in a couple, you are both partners, which means that the choice depends on your joint decision. Moreover, the benefit should be obvious to both you and your chosen one.
