Psychologist Valery Gut told what to pay attention to at the beginning of a relationship
Relationships that are not burdened by everyday life or any additional obligations are always easy at the beginning.
Psychologist Valery Gut told what to pay attention to at the beginning of a relationship.
Jed Diamond, psychologist, doctor, author of the theory of 5 stages of love, identifies the very first stage of falling in love as a period when, due to biological processes in the body, it is difficult to control your emotional state.
The feeling of being in love is enhanced by the unconscious projection of all unrealized desires and hopes onto the beloved, it is considered one of the most exciting in the emotional range of a person. You need to be able to live it correctly, so as not to scare off your partner.
There are certain behavioral traits that you should pay attention to at the very beginning of a relationship.
- Respect for personal boundaries
In a healthy relationship, people should not merge into a single whole. Each partner is a self-sufficient person with their own interests and hobbies.
“If I am attached to another person because I cannot stand on my own feet, he or she may be my salvation in life, but this relationship will not be a relationship of love.
“Paradoxically, the ability to be alone with oneself is a condition for the ability to love” (Erich Fromm) .
Men are freedom-loving by nature and can perceive any violation of boundaries negatively. When a partner asks too many intrusive questions, monitors every step, constantly asks about calls and personal messages - this only speaks of his psychological immaturity.
Such control will always lead to quarrels and scandals.
- Excessive egoism
Relationships are always a story about two people. Therefore, it is important that both parties feel comfortable and good in them. There is no need to constantly pull the blanket over yourself.
If the interests and needs of only one partner are a priority, this is already a manifestation of egoism or narcissism. In relationships with such people, you will always feel superfluous.
- Endless dramas and showdowns
Clarification of relations at the very beginning of the journey is strange in itself and should be alarming. Constant grievances, critical attitude to everything that happens speaks of the manifestation of neurotic personality traits.
Building a relationship with such a person is not easy; it will always be like an emotional rollercoaster and very traumatic.
Strong relationships can be built by psychologically healthy and mature individuals, so when we have a clear idea of what we want to get from a relationship, it is easier for us to understand how to behave.
To arouse your partner’s interest during the first meetings, it is enough to adhere to the well-known and always working rules: be yourself and be interested in your partner.
When we do what we love, we realize ourselves, we reveal our potential, we manifest ourselves. This is the inner strength that makes us shine from within. And we want to reach for the light.
