Psychologist Natalia Kuznetsova explained why men and women cheat
The psyche of a man and a woman is very different, but in this matter there are many intersections and the reasons for cheating are similar.
Psychologist Natalia Kuznetsova explained why men and women cheat.
Different sexual constitutions - different needs for sex on a physiological level: one partner needs sex once a month, another needs it three times a week. It is important to know your sexual constitution and the constitution of your partner.
Unconscious revenge on a parent of the opposite sex
- An adult man, on an unconscious or conscious level, feels resentment towards his mother (his mother did not love him enough as a child, did not praise him enough, was emotionally distant, etc.), and this resentment is projected onto other women.
- The situation is the same with a woman, only in relation to her dad (dad underestimated, did not love her enough, or was absent altogether), and this resentment is projected onto other men. That is, by hurting my partner, I take revenge on my dad (a man takes revenge on his mother).
Emotional coldness and detachment of the partner, no emotional closeness in the relationship, many unresolved issues that are not resolved and discussed, but hushed up. Thus, anger and resentment towards the partner accumulate. And aggression is expressed through betrayal.
Sexual dissatisfaction: sex becomes monotonous and boring, does not bring pleasure. And if the partner sees that he cannot satisfy his other half, this hurts a lot and hits his self-esteem, and he looks for someone to satisfy on the side.
Increase your self-esteem: the partner does not feel valuable and desired, or his self-esteem correlates with the number of sexual partners. For example, you can brag about this to your friends, thereby increasing your status.
There was cheating in my parents' family, and for a person this is normal, he does not see anything reprehensible in it.
Excessive jealousy: constant and unfounded reproaches and suspicions from the partner prompt him to do what he is accused of.
There are problems in the relationship, and instead of solving them constructively - going to family therapy, it is more convenient for the couple to find a "garbage can" in the form of a lover and mistress, where negative emotions will be drained and the relationship will be maintained on this fuel.
National characteristics: there are countries where cheating or polygamy is considered the norm, and this should be taken into account at the beginning of a relationship, and not “fantasize” that this person will change for you.
Fear and guilt: When one partner in a relationship feels like everything is fine, the other does not want to go home, but the feeling of guilt or shame is unbearable. It is easier for them to find someone on the side than to tell their other half that they are no longer loved.
The relationship has long outlived its usefulness, but for some reason the couple does not dare to end the relationship (jointly acquired property or a joint business, children, unwillingness to lose social status, simply habit, fear of change).
A person is basically incapable of deep and emotional relationships, or he does not see value in his partner. Fidelity itself seems absurd and incomprehensible to him. It is also better to discuss such moments on the shore, suddenly your views on relationships do not coincide.
