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Psychologist Anna Kasyanova told how to deal with jealousy
01.04.2023 19:51
Updated: 15.04.2023 01:00
Before challenging an enemy to battle, we need to study him and understand what we are dealing with.
Psychologist Anna Kasyanova told how to deal with jealousy.
What is jealousy? A feeling? A personality trait? A component of a relationship? A disease? In my opinion, none of the definitions are suitable.
Reflecting on this question, I came to the conclusion that jealousy is a whole complex of feelings that entails consequences.
And we can also add that this complex significantly influences the psycho-emotional state of those involved in this process.
I suggest we delve deeper into the essence and then decide which methods of dealing with jealousy are the most effective.
So, what is the basis of this concept?
Fear of losing, being alone, being deceived, the desire to control, to possess completely.
It is easy to see that all these feelings are destructive. That is why you can often hear about jealousy as an indicator of passion in a relationship, proof of the existence of love and affection between partners.
But as practice shows, relationships in which jealousy is present in an increased dosage can hardly be called healthy.
At best, they lead to a painful separation; at worst, they take a pathologically dangerous form and require long-term therapy.
When jealousy in a relationship reaches a high concentration, it affects not only the emotional background, but also manifests itself at the behavioral and then physiological level: obsessive thoughts that the partner is cheating, although no actual evidence is found, constant monitoring of social networks, messengers, aggressive outbursts, sleep disorders, eating disorders, assault and so on.
Each of these manifestations indicates that jealousy has a destructive effect not only on the relationship, but also on the person involved in this relationship, so the very first step to combating this condition is realizing that you need help.
- Recognizing the problem is already important and even this small step will save resources to start moving forward.
- The goal is to transform jealousy, aggression and fear into new experiences and qualities that will work for creation.
First of all, it is important to reflect and try to identify the main reason for jealousy. This could be childhood trauma, low self-esteem, fear of loss, experience of betrayal, misunderstanding of one's feelings, lack of logical connection between emotion and reaction to it.
Next, I would recommend learning to notice the moment of jealousy and try to observe what you feel. It is difficult, but if you want, results begin to appear quite quickly.
Then it is important to get in touch with your aggression. The easiest way to do this is through the body. By bringing your feelings and emotions to the physical level, it becomes easier to understand them and, as a result, to control them.
The ways of physically expressing emotions are known and accessible to everyone: running, hitting a punching bag or a pillow, taking a contrast shower, dancing to loud music, screaming, etc.
The next step is dialogue. Tell your partner what you feel. Directly, without embarrassment.
A very effective way is to say your desire out loud: “I want to get into your phone and find proof that you are deceiving me”; “I want to break or hit something right now to make it easier, because what I am experiencing is unbearable.”
Another reliable way to work on yourself is to analyze your partner’s behavior and rationalize your actions.
What will total control give? Why should my partner stay with me if he is always looking for a way to deceive me?
Break down and analyze each individual situation, filling each action that is prompted by the feeling of jealousy with meaning.
This allows you to look at the situation from the outside and understand how meaningless many actions are.
In conclusion, I would like to note that in any situation it is important to turn on common sense and conscious behavior in time, and then it becomes clear that jealousy is good only as a feeling that adds fire to a relationship when it is conscious and in limited quantities.
