Psychologist Lyudmila Vildanova told how to forget the pain in a relationship
When faced with pain in a relationship, whether it is cheating or betrayal, it is quite difficult to endure.
Psychologist Lyudmila Vildanova told how to forget the pain in a relationship.
Most often, we prepare ourselves for change and pain, because we have been burned before. But when the blow happens, each of us finds ourselves completely lost in the middle of a scorched desert, completely alone, out of breath and with pain in the solar plexus.
It was as if the pain itself had accelerated and hit you with all its age-old force just below the rib cage.
A lump in the throat and a huge fear. Fear of loneliness, fear of remaining misunderstood and unaccepted, small compared to your pain. Fear that tomorrow will not get easier and you will not be "chosen" again.
Because there are times that don't exist.
After some time, the armor builds up. And where there was once something alive and warm, something hard and solid is formed.
The pain is constant. And it comes from absolutely everything. The empty half of the bed, the key turning in the door... everything is different now. Nights are the worst time.
The past and the future hurt. The past is poisoned. The future has collapsed. At this time, the woman has no present.
The next thing that hits you after the pain is a gigantic guilt that leaves you suffocated. I did something wrong, I did everything wrong, etc.
How can you not lose yourself, not betray yourself, and not destroy yourself in a situation of grief and pain?
1. Pay attention to children /if you have children/.
Take the children out of the "fire zone". Stop manipulating, don't talk badly about their father to the children, be busy with them, don't cry in front of them, cook food.
2. Remove your husband's things if they are left in the house. If you have the strength, pack his suitcase and ask him to take it. After that, you will at least cry less about him.
Our goal is not to do something with him, but to do something with ourselves.
Therefore, the following points.
3. Consult a psychologist.
4. Take time for yourself. Hair, shopping, running - there is a good reason for the saying: turn on your body so that your soul doesn't hurt.
5. When the pain is unbearable, switch to shallow breathing - live in five-minute increments from now to now. If you're washing dishes, wash the dishes, and don't paint a picture of how you'll die and he'll cry at the funeral.
6. The most important thing. Maybe you should become that loving person for yourself, whose love you yearn for? Make yourself more comfortable, softer, take care of yourself and protect yourself, love yourself.
7. Seek support, reach out to people, don't be alone. Try friendship, try relationships, try new love.
8. Give yourself time to live through your feelings, grieve the pain, restore resources. Don't drag yourself into a bright future by force.
And a number of other recommendations.
1. No matter what stage you are at now, Women Who Run with the Wolves can become your bedside book. It is written about female power, about separation, dying and birth, about the endless cycle of life and about your internal resources that you yourself do not yet suspect.
There you will learn about the archetypes of feminine power and will be able to work through images, not through logic.
2. Change your environment. Ask for help, borrow money, move away, take driving lessons, start learning a language. Change your environment! This is necessary to stop stewing in your own juice, to get out of the situation and look at it from a different perspective. From the perspective of a person living a full and fulfilling life.
3. Expand your social circle. Meet people, everywhere. Become interested in people!
4. There should be creativity in your life. And creativity is something that we not only love to do, but that makes our souls sing!
And in the end I would like to say: take care of your unions and your relationships.
Appreciate those who are near you, those with whom you wake up in the morning and from whom you have children or headaches, the one in whose arms you are at home.
