Sexologist Tamara Maltseva told how to successfully get married
This question worries a huge number of women, at the same time more and more women cannot find their man with whom they would like to spend their life.
Sexologist Tamara Maltseva told how to successfully get married.
And what can be called a "successful" marriage? A marriage where the husband provides, or where there is a lot of care and love, or where there are children?
And is it enough to get married successfully? According to EMISS, 68 marriages out of 100 now break up. For comparison, 70 years ago the divorce rate in Russia was only 4%; 30 years ago – 42%.
The answer is not in a "magic scheme", everything is somewhat more complicated. In order to really get married successfully, you need to grow up. And it's not about passport age, but about psychological state.
Improve yourself! Read books on development and psychology, have personal therapy with a psychologist or sexologist, take personal growth trainings.
Strong interesting men need strong interesting women.
The whole point is that depending on our "traumas" we attract partners to ourselves. If a woman has a "father deficit", she will choose an older man who will take responsibility for her and conditionally "adopt her".
And if a woman has been in the role of an “adult” since childhood, then she will most likely choose an infantile man in order to continue to realize her care for others.
Another "trap" of such a formulation is the temptation to shift responsibility for the relationship to the partner. Now I'll get married successfully, and then life will get better! And all life turns into a hunt for the ideal man.
But do such people really exist?
But it is not for nothing that the word "partner" is used in a couple. That is, a person equal to you, someone with whom you will quarrel in a relationship, but look for a way out of the situation. Someone with whom you will overcome difficulties and support in difficult situations. Someone who can rely on you in return.
Below I will give you some tips on how to understand that a marriage with this man can work out.
1. Watch how he behaves with staff in restaurants, taxis and other similar places.
2. Discuss your values, they should coincide. For some, family comfort is important, while others dream of social events on a yacht.
3. Discuss the main rules “on the shore” - from the number of children to budget distribution.
4. Listen to what he says about other people when they can't hear him.
5. Assess the position your partner is in - adult, parent or child. Preference is always given to the first.
Another piece of advice - stop passionately wanting to get married. Men are afraid of women who try on his last name from the first days.
Give him time to get used to you. Show him that you are a choice, not an inevitability (the tactic of "I'll catch up with you and marry you at any cost" does not work for successful marriages).
And, of course, the key recommendation is that the main thing is not to "marry successfully", but to have the desire and firm intention to build a strong family. Look for an equal with similar values, grow up together, and let everyone around you say in a few years: "How successfully she married!"
