"Double Messages" for a Child - Why They Are Dangerous: Almost All Parents Make This Gross Mistake
When communicating with a small child, almost all mothers and fathers, without realizing it, use so-called “double messages”.
First, parents allow, and then, without really explaining anything, forbid the child to perform this or that action.
The lack of clear criteria and arguments has a negative impact on the child.
The child simply does not understand in which cases permission “works” and in which cases prohibition “works”.
As a result, the child develops a sense of guilt and anxiety: he believes that the problem is in him, and not in his parents, who are unable to clearly explain the “rules of the game.”
What is a "double bind"
Let's imagine a situation: yesterday you allowed your child to eat a lot of sweets or watch cartoons until late, and today you told your child that this is not allowed.
It seems to you that the child already understands: “If the parents gave permission, then the action can be performed, but if there was no permission, then it cannot.”
In fact, many small children are sure: “If mom and dad once allowed you to do something, then this action can be repeated.”
To avoid problems, explain the "rules of the game" to your child in advance. Tell your child that the indulgence is a one-time thing.
Or set clear limits. For example, "This can be done once a week."
