Each of us at least once in our lives has wondered what happens behind the closed doors of psychologists. What do they talk about? And what questions do they ask?
Today, together with a practicing psychologist, teacher of psychology, part of the European and St. Petersburg organization of transactional analysis, Evgenia Goncharova, we will open the curtain and talk about the phrases that parents most often come with.
According to the psychologist, there are no ideal parents or children in this world. Dozens of books have been written about parent-child relationships, from classics to scientific publications.
Eternal problems that cannot be solved because very often what we want for life, or how we see this life, is absolutely not suitable for the other person. It is difficult to love someone who without explanation forces us to obey their rules.
Many parents, when they come to see a psychologist, hope that another adult will definitely take their side and explain to their “wayward” offspring how important it is to obey adults.
For them, a psychologist in this case is a kind of educational and punitive measure.
That is why the top 10 phrases open with the most popular phrase of desperate parents - "At least do something with him."
You can understand the parents in this case, because it is good when the child is "convenient". He does not cause problems, discomfort, does not require much and does not attract unnecessary attention. Obedient and polite - just a dream! But as soon as the child changes and becomes uncomfortable for the family and society, and the narcissistic masks begin to fly off the parents, many problems arise.
Often, many parents take out their negative emotions on family members. More often on children, because it is “safer”. Children will not fight back and will not be able to protect themselves properly. Therefore, dear parents, let’s look for the essence of the problem in ourselves and learn to work with emotions.
Many parents, instead of allowing their child to perform actions and make mistakes, begin to perform them for them, taking away from the child the opportunity to gain experience and make decisions independently.
Learn to explain to your child what consequences this or that action will bring, breathe and learn to trust. This is the only way you can raise a responsible person.
Childhood jealousy is a normal phenomenon. Children are possessive by nature. In this way, they are accustomed to the competition that awaits them from the outside world.
In this case, it is important to devote more time to the "jealous" child, talk to him about his importance and love, but also not to forget about actions. Try to play with him more often, spend time or do homework. Provide him with maximum positive emotions.
Only the truth will help here. But remember that at this moment the child's whole world will collapse, and all dreams of ideal parents will shatter into little pieces.
In this case, it is necessary to remember how important it is for the child to realize that it is not his fault that you broke up, that you are still his parents who love him and will always be with him.
To learn how to refuse a child with minimal losses, you need to become a “walking argument” for him.
Every refusal should be accompanied by an explanation. And your behavior model should not change in a minute. But do not forget about loyalty. Perhaps your child's request is quite appropriate at the moment, and you can make him and yourself happy without resorting to arguments.
First, you need to decide whether it is fantasy or a lie. Then find and understand the reason for this behavior.
Most often, children lie in order to embellish reality, to be better, or to meet someone's expectations. And before punishing your child, try to talk to him about why he chose this model of behavior.
Identify what you find disrespectful in your child's behavior towards you. Talk to him about how you feel when he shows disrespect towards you.
Comments should be directed specifically at the behavior, not at the child's personality. Remember to reward the child for respectful behavior.
Try not to respond to your child's impudent behavior. As a rule, children stop being impudent when they see that this method is ineffective and does not attract the attention of parents or other adults. Try to talk to your child about what worries him and find the reason for this behavior.
Many parents don't know how and what to talk about with their growing child. It's important to remember that children love to talk about themselves and what's going on in their lives. Try talking to them about their interests, hobbies, and what inspires them.
If your child understands that you are truly interested and can be trusted, he will share his deepest secrets with you.
Choosing a profession is a difficult and responsible step that requires a thoughtful decision taking into account the child's abilities and interests. Therefore, it is very important to study the child's strengths and weaknesses, take into account his personal qualities and character, as well as his inner convictions.
Familiarize yourself with professions that match your child's interests and abilities. Gather as much information as possible about the future profession, where it can be learned, and where your child can work after completing their studies.
Whatever questions you may have, the most important thing is to love your child and learn to be his support in this difficult world!
