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The Most Toxic Phrases in Parents' Lexicon and Why They Should Never Be Said
05.04.2023 09:37
Updated: 15.04.2023 02:33
Sometimes, when we are taking care of our children, we may not notice that with some phrases we are sending them not at all kind messages.
What phrases carry a double meaning and cause deep emotional reactions in a child that negatively affect his psychological state in the present and will certainly affect his future?
This will be discussed by the expert of the online publication Belnovosti, Evgeniya Goncharova - a practicing psychologist, teacher of psychology, and a member of the European and St. Petersburg Organization of Transactional Analysis.
"You have nothing of your own here."
Perhaps the most terrible phrase a parent can say to their child. In this way, they undermine their sense of security in the family.
In an instant, the child begins to feel like an “outsider,” unwanted, and not entitled to his family’s heritage in any of its manifestations.
This rejection has a profound impact on relationships within the family, unknowingly causing the child to look for someone outside the home who can accept him.
After this phrase, the child understands that his opinion will not be taken into account and that he cannot count on anyone in the future except himself. This can also affect the fact that the child can get into "bad" company and surround himself with people who are not at all worth following as an example.
"Don't be a child"
This message encourages the child to grow up before their time and take responsibility for things that are beyond their capabilities. Such children are called "little adults."
Often, such children unconsciously take on parental roles and perform actions that parents should do.
Let your child be interested in this world, discover it for himself and be a child, because that is what he is at the moment.
"Do nothing"
In this way, parents deprive the child of the opportunity to learn independence, the ability to take responsibility for words or actions appropriate to the child’s age, and also to analyze their mistakes.
"Don't stick your head out/don't think"
Such a ban often creates restrictions in the child's freedom to think, to say what he thinks, to pay attention to his small victories and achievements. But in this way parents miss the opportunity to develop their child's talents.
In the future, such children may have problems with the development of their inner potential and financial realization.
"If you do this, I won't survive."
With this phrase you tell your child that he is responsible for your feelings.
This is the position of a codependent parent, who considers even an adult child to be a part of himself and therefore does not let him go into the adult world alone.
Remember that a child (especially an adult) has the right to make decisions, set personal boundaries, and take actions that you may not always like. This is a logical process of growing up.
"I have sacrificed so much for you"
This is probably the most popular phrase among parents. Let's start with the fact that, and let the stones fly at us, it was your decision to have a child. He did not ask you. Therefore, given this circumstance, all responsibility for your "sacrifices" lies only with you.
However, when you say this phrase to a child, you let him know that he owes you for the fact that you have spent and are still spending so much energy and money on him with the expectation that he will repay you for the sleepless nights.
Remember, a child is not a banking system, and he has feelings. And I would not want him to grow up in the future with the feeling that he owes everyone for kindness, love, care, time and attention. This is more about the opportunity to love and be loved just because you exist.
"Just like his father/mother"
Another popular phrase among parents who have failed to maintain good relations with each other. Do not project them onto your child, try to say this phrase more often in a positive way, praising your spouse.
