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Psychologist Elena Katsyuba spoke about blind maternal love: how it is dangerous for a child
29.03.2023 21:31
Updated: 14.04.2023 23:40
Maternal love is important for the development of a child's personality, and its deficiency can cause various psychological disorders.
Elena Katsyuba, psychologist, psychosomatologist, spoke about blind maternal love: how it is dangerous for a child.
But an excess of love will also not lead to anything good.
How Blind Maternal Love Develops
The reason for the emergence of blind maternal love can be different situations. For example, a girl could not get pregnant for a long time, and the child was very difficult for her to get.
Or the girl was unable to build a relationship with the opposite sex and get married for a long time, which is why the birth was late.
But most often, mothers who, for various reasons, were unable to find a life partner surround their children with unbridled love, and they decide to have a child for themselves, so that they have someone to live for.
The very wording "for oneself" suggests a selfish message behind such an act. This means that a woman gives birth to a child so that she has an object to splash out all her accumulated feelings that she has nowhere else to put.
And at the same time, the mother deprives the child of the opportunity to express his own feelings and live his own life. In essence, this is love without brakes: "I will "cause" you love, whether you want it or not."
What is it like?
There are two types of manifestations of blind maternal love. In the first case, the mother surrounds the child with round-the-clock boundless care, not giving him the opportunity to show independence.
She courts him, lacing his shoes almost until the 11th grade, does not involve him in household chores and solves all his problems at school, with friends. The more a mother takes responsibility for all areas of a child's life, the less he needs to do it himself.
The second case is despotic blind maternal love that does not tolerate any objections. In such a story, the mother does not hear her child at all, his opinion is not taken into account.
All relationships are built in the format "I say - you do", for example, "Whatever institute I chose for you, that's where you'll go. Because you'll be good there." But will he be good there? Not a fact.
What does such love lead to?
Very often in such a relationship children grow up weak-willed, depressed, and unadapted to life. People call such children "mama's boys".
A child does not have the opportunity to try out strategies in childhood that he will encounter in adulthood, and this makes life much more difficult for him in the future.
Both in communications - since without his mother it is difficult for him to determine how to build relationships - and in making responsible decisions, since he does not know how to calculate the consequences of certain actions.
Often such children stay with their mothers because they very firmly instill the mindset "I gave birth to you, dedicated my whole life to you, now you owe me forever." And even if the child creates his own family, it can be very difficult for him to get rid of the thought that he owes.
At the same time, the mother herself has not learned to live for herself, as she has been "playing mom" all her life. Therefore, when a child starts a family, she tries to infiltrate it and manage the relationship of the young people.
And thus turns the child's life into hell, because it is unlikely that the other half will like it.
