Psychologist Jordan Peterson once said, "Self-esteem is a currency we print ourselves. But most of us use fake ink."
What kind of ink is this?
In 2022, Psychology Today published a study that found that 76% of people make one fatal mistake every day that turns their confidence into dust. It’s called “quiet self-deprecation” — phrases like, “I’m just trying” or “It’s not perfect, but…”
Neurolinguist Steven Pinker has shown that such expressions activate areas of the brain responsible for shame.
The example of Michael Johnson , an Olympic champion, confirms this. In an interview with ESPN, he admitted: “I used to say: “I’m not the most talented, I just work hard.”
The coach stopped me and said, "You're degrading your work." After that, Michael started using affirmations like "I'm ready to win" and broke two world records.
Clinical psychologist Kristin Neff writes in her book Self-Compassion: “The words ‘just’ and ‘but’ are poison. They erase your achievements.”
Why do we continue to do this?
A study from Oxford University has revealed a shocking fact: self-deprecation is a social mechanism inherited from our ancestors.
“We’re afraid to stand out, lest we be ostracized from the tribe,” explains anthropologist Jane Goodall. Actress Vanessa Kirby told the Armchair Expert podcast how she got rid of the habit: “I started recording my speeches on a dictaphone.
When I heard myself saying “sorry” so often for no reason, I became hysterical.”
Real cases show that changing your speech can change your life. In 2023, Google conducted an experiment among its employees.
Those who replaced “I’ll try” with “I’ll do” were 40% more likely to get a promotion. LinkedIn founder Reid Hoffman admitted in his book “The $100 Startup,” “My confidence soared when I banned myself from saying the word ‘hope.’ Instead, I started saying ‘plan.’”
The danger isn't just in words. Psychotherapist Gary Chapman , author of the 5 Love Languages theory, warns: "If you praise others but criticize yourself, it creates an imbalance."
Ellen DeGeneres is a prime example. Early in her career, she made fun of herself all the time, but after a conversation with Oprah Winfrey, she changed her approach. “I realized that self-mockery is not humility, it’s a form of fear,” Ellen told People.
What Happens If You Start Today? Blogger Sarah Blake Got Rid of “Quiet Self-Deprecation” in 90 Days and Increased Her Income by 5X
Her secret: "I set a reminder on my phone to say 'Speak proudly!' and paid my friend $10 for every 'simply.' After a month, I had nothing to pay with."
Self-esteem is not something you have, it's something you choose to display. But are you willing to throw away the victim's vocabulary?
