Marriage is often compared to a garden: if you don't take care of it, even the most beautiful flowers will wither. Many couples, immersed in a routine, stop noticing how they are gradually losing touch.
But what exactly ruins relationships that started with strong feelings?
Most often, these are not loud quarrels, but small habits that accumulate over the years. Let's look at the five main mistakes and how to correct them - even if it seems too late.
The first mistake: stop surprising each other.
Romance isn't all about roses and candlelit dinners. It's about showing your partner that they still matter. One couple who'd been together for 15 years admitted that the tradition of "kitchen dates" saved them.
Every Saturday they cooked something unusual together: sushi, truffle pasta or even fried locusts (yes, it was weird, but fun!) The main thing was laughter and joint creativity.
Another story: Once a month, a man left his wife “quests” — notes with clues leading to small gifts (a chocolate bar in a desk drawer or a new phone case). These little things reminded her that he was thinking about her even on workdays.
The secret is to surprise without a reason. Don't wait for the anniversary - buy his favorite beer today, and text her: "Just a reminder: you are the best thing that happened to me."
The second mistake: forgetting about compliments.
"You look great" or "Thank you for being there" - these phrases seem obvious, but over time we say them less and less. But they work like vitamins for relationships.
Imagine: the wife has been cleaning, cooking and playing with the kids all day, and the husband, coming home from work, says: "Why is it a mess again?" It's like a knife to the heart. But he could have said: "You're a sorceress! How do you manage to do everything?"
Compliments don't have to be pompous. One woman told how her husband once remarked, "Your eyes sparkle like they did on our wedding day." She cried - it turned out he remembered even such details.
Start small: praise your partner for what he or she does every day. “Thanks for walking the dog” or “You make great jokes” are already a step towards a warm atmosphere.
The third trap: lack of deep conversations.
"How was your day?" - "Fine." Sound familiar? Over time, couples begin to discuss only everyday life: bills, repairs, the children's schedule. But if you don't talk about dreams, fears and plans, you will become neighbors, not lovers.
One man confessed that his marriage was revived when he and his wife started playing "Bedtime Questions." Every night, they would ask each other questions like, "If we had a million dollars, what would be the first thing you would do?" or "What do you regret about the past year?"
These conversations have opened up new horizons for them to explore. Another couple has a “retro night” once a month: they play the music they met, look through old photos, and reminisce about funny moments. It brings them back to their roots, reminding them why they chose each other.
Mistake number four: ignoring conflicts.
"I'll keep quiet so as not to argue" - this is what many people think, but the omission turns into a snowball. For example, a wife accumulates resentment for years that her husband does not help with the children, and he does not even guess - after all, she did not say anything.
Then the explosion happens: “You never do anything!” and he responds: “Why didn’t you tell me earlier?” To avoid this, learn to talk about problems immediately, but gently. Instead of “You’re always late!” say: “I worry when you’re not on time. Let’s figure out how to make it easier for you to be on time?”
Another life hack is the “24-hour rule”: if something has offended you, discuss it within 24 hours before your emotions turn into resentment. One couple came up with a “complaint box”: everyone writes down what’s bothering them on a piece of paper, and then they look for a solution together. This relieves tension and makes the conversation less personal.
Mistake number five: assigning roles based on the “you must” principle.
"A man should earn money, a woman should look after the house" - such attitudes destroy even strong couples. A family is a team where tasks are divided according to capabilities, not gender. For example, if she is better at finances, let her manage the budget. If he likes to cook - why not make it his area of responsibility?
One couple almost got divorced over cleaning disputes until they had a "swap week": he washed floors and ironed, and she fixed electrical outlets and painted the fence. It turned out that they both began to appreciate each other's work more.
Another example: a man who always believed that "raising children is not a man's job" began spending Saturday mornings with his son. Now it is their special time - they go to the park, build birdhouses, and his wife can finally get some sleep.
How to start changing?
Don't try to fix everything at once. Pick one mistake that resonates with you the most and work on it for 21 days - that's how long it takes to form a habit.
For example, if you forget about compliments, set a reminder on your phone: every evening find a reason to praise your partner.
Or start with a "gratitude day": spend the entire day noting down what you're grateful for, and then share it before bed.
The main thing is not to expect instant results. Love is like a mosaic: every little piece is important.
