In childhood, many parental phrases and comments are perceived adequately, without complaint and naturally. And only with age do people understand that not everyone's moms and dads were loving and understanding.
Some were truly toxic: they tried to say something offensive, hurt more, hit where it hurts.
It is not surprising if such people raise insecure and downtrodden children, infantile and helpless. They do not believe in their own strength, because this confidence was taken away by the closest ones - their parents.
What kind of phrases create a persistent inferiority complex in a child?
"You always have problems that are not like everyone else!"
There is another analogue, more unpleasant: "Well, it's clear, what else can you expect from you!"
It turns out that the child is not taken seriously from birth. He is some kind of toy, without his own opinion and character.
He has already been forever written off as an outsider, so if suddenly he really breaks through or achieves success, then his parents will say, "You were just lucky."
These words specifically devalue and discourage the desire to work, achieve, try. Why, if he is in any case a loser, a bandit, an immoral type and other "epithets"?
"But when I was your age..."
Unfortunately, this phrase is repeated by almost all parents.
If you listen to them, they were role models and ideals: they studied excellently, managed to do community work, helped their elders, demonstrated politeness, cleaned and cooked, crafted and sewed.
It is clear that any sensible child will doubt such a picture. And the very fact of comparison is wrong. Alas, a child is often compared with someone: with dad, with mom, with grandma, with neighbor Lyusya, with classmate Vasya, with brother Kolya, with sister Katya. But he is, first of all, a person: independent and with his own character. The more you tell him this phrase, the more aggressive he will become. And in the end, he will decide that his parents are bad and do not love him. Unfortunately, sometimes this is true.
"The teacher knows best!"
Another option: "Adults don't lie!" Such things are often said when conflicts and disputes arise.
Parents who always side with the "enemies" will never become an authority for a child. He quickly realizes that the closest ones are ready to believe anyone, but not him. And this is a reason for real hatred and alienation.
Loving moms and dads always try to defend the interests of their child, protect him, support him, help him. And here the unfortunate one will also hear:
"We'll talk to him at home, and you'll definitely give him a bad grade for behavior!" What will such tactics cause, if not justified anger? There's no doubt: the grown and offended child will certainly remember everything.
Thus, if parents want to be exemplary and loving, they should avoid such phrases. However, in psychologically healthy families they will never say this.
There is mutual understanding, love, respect, a trusting atmosphere, liberalism, and support.
There, adults and children are on the same wavelength, they are friends, help, consult, talk, share secrets. And if everything is built on the principle of "you're bad", then these bad parents will get exactly that kind of offspring. He will become truly bad, and he will do it in his own way.
Complexes often get stuck inside, and the behavior that results from them comes out.
This is expressed in bitterness, hatred, callousness, emotional dullness, and envy.
By using the phrases listed above, you can only raise and develop an abuser: disappointed in life, angry and insensitive.
Earlier we talked about whether it is worth paying your child for good grades.
