Parents are people who should be associated with something joyful, easy and happy for every person.
Unfortunately, sometimes they become not loved people, but a real curse.
The problem is their evil tongues, which can morally destroy a child and lower his self-esteem below the baseboard.
How does it happen?
In normal families, relationships are trusting, parents talk to their children, they share secrets, ask for advice.
It happens that the whole family goes for a walk, to the park, to a pizzeria or to the cinema. This is quite natural, because instead of a conflict between generations, there should be contact. But if mom and dad are toxic and despotic by nature, then they start to break the child over their knee.
Of course, they always justify themselves by claiming that they do it with the best of intentions. But it sounds somehow unconvincing.
Parental toxicity is expressed first in words and only then in actions.
What phrases loving parents will not say to their child
"But when I was your age..."
If a conversation starts with these words, nothing good will come of it. Comparison is terrible, even if it is not neighbor Petya, but your own father.
Children do not like to be like someone, especially when it is forced upon them. Moreover, adults often do not tell the whole truth and lie: not everyone was exemplary in their teenage years. There is simply no grandma or grandpa nearby who would refute this pompous statement.
"Let's talk at home!"
This is probably the worst nightmare a child can have, especially when they realize they were wrong about something. But even if this is true, a loving parent will not instill fear in their children about their own home. You can simply indicate that the situation requires discussion, but it is not necessary to make a scary face.
"You're a girl (boy)!"
Gender division sounds derogatory from the start, much like the typical Russian way of addressing strangers: "man", "woman". Firstly, the child knows perfectly well who he (or she) is. Secondly, this stereotype can ruin his self-esteem.
For some reason, society has come to believe that boys don't cry, and girls, accordingly, don't get dirty. Of course, no one talks about the harm of gender, but there should be no distinctions when it comes to misconduct.
"Kolya got an A, and what about you?"
As mentioned above, comparison is a disservice. Not only will parents certainly sow hatred for this unfortunate Kolya in the child's soul, but they will also completely kill the motivation to study well. And he will begin to perceive the parents themselves as enemies who treat strangers better than their own child.
"Just like his father!"
For some reason, this phrase has an exclusively negative connotation. And this indicates, first of all, not the child's shortcomings, but the true relationship between the parents.
It turns out that there is no love, no respect, no understanding, and the man plays the role of some kind of rug that is always lying in the wrong place. Firstly, children hear these words as "daddy is bad".
This will lead to them not respecting and loving him. Secondly, this phrase has another meaning: "When you behave in a certain way, I will not love you!" The child understands: love must be earned by certain actions. You can't just love like that.
"What a thing to cry about!"
Here there is a concrete devaluation of the child's feelings. If you scold him for tears, he will gradually become completely withdrawn. Yes, he will stop crying. But this is bad, because instead of a normal living person, a robot is growing up.
Thus, adults must always think first and only then speak. Unfortunately, many parents only understand and admit their own mistakes in upbringing over the years.
They show signs of repentance and ask for forgiveness, but this will not help their grown children with traumatized psyches.
They remember their mom and dad as angry, worried, toxic, nervous. But, unfortunately, there are also true toxics who are confident in their irresistibility, righteousness and teaching skills until their death.
Earlier we talked about how to stop being upset about mistakes.
