Content
How to live happily
16.04.2024 12:00
Today, human-centeredness is vital for the development of both family and business.
"Focus" on people has become the main trend. It is human relationships that determine happiness and success, unless, of course, you work in the funeral services industry.
And among the problems of human relations, two main trends are relevant - the inability to convey to the partner one's vision of the situation and plans for its joint solution so that the partner is also interested in the same, and - another popular situation - the inability to maintain the relationship before a quarrel.
However, many people don’t know how to quarrel, because they aren’t taught this, says psychologist Andrei Kashkarov .
Happiness is a state of harmony, when you enjoy the world here and now. An abstract concept associated with a moment in time. There is a general, and there are constituent elements. The happiness of having children and taking care of them, the happiness of having a Bentley or being re-elected president for a subsequent term - this is also happiness.
But such “happiness” is always lacking something, despite the fact that people in the close circle may nominally demonstrate support for such happiness - also, offering (they always find them, if there is a motive) appropriate arguments.
Because this kind of happiness is not that deceptive (children grow up and live their own lives), but it is shaky, the feeling of it does not disappear, but changes dynamically, including through the development of situations.
"Evil tongues" and especially those who themselves experience a lack of happiness regardless of material income, claim that complete happiness cannot be achieved. Or, let's say, it is impossible to be happy constantly, prolonged or for a long time. We believe, including from our own experience, that it is possible.
As for those around you, the question is relatively simple: you need to understand and be able to see who benefits from maintaining this or that situation, what and why.
Because people, even close ones, do not want (and this is normal) to lose control over the situation in which you participate, and accordingly, do not want it to change, then personal happiness may be “in question” if there are people nearby who imagine your happiness in their own way, as it is convenient for them.
Clear definition
Hence the first significant recommendation. It is necessary to determine what happiness is, first of all, for you and outside of time.
And if you periodically suffer from "an unbearable burden", this leads to doubts - is this happiness, even if in social networks - a signboard of vanity - you try to convince yourself (convincing everyone) that you are quite happy. You can write and talk a lot, what is important is something else - you will not deceive yourself.
Remember the important thing: “the happiest people on earth are those who can freely handle time without any fear of the consequences.”
The right attitude
If we talk about family happiness, in order to preserve it, it is important to give up your own claims on the life and actions of your partner, not to expect “excess” and to be happy that he exists. How easy it is to say and how difficult it is to put into practice.
Hence the second significant factor – it is necessary to form the correct attitude towards your partner and events. Compare not with how it could have been, but with how it could not have been. This approach largely distinguishes a happy person from one who is “eternally seeking happiness”.
Happiness is not when you win an argument or force your partner to do something - “he bought me a fur coat”, “I got him to propose to me”, “now he’s mine” - to this you just want to answer “and now you’re mine”.
It's not even Mamihlapinatapai - a look between two people when each one expresses the desire that not I, but the other one will initiate something that both want, but neither wants to be the first.
On the contrary, happiness is the ability to give in, sometimes to belittle yourself and to get joy from the fact that your partner is doing well. One way or another, people are sensitive - perfect "wooden teapots" do not exist in nature, and women's hearts are not stones either.
That is why you will receive, you will certainly receive an adequate attitude in return. This is also evidenced by the fundamental law of energy exchange. If, of course, you act sincerely. And deception will come to light one way or another.
The simpler the better
In family and personal relationships, misunderstandings are inevitable. That is why relationships should not be built in dreams and variations like “oh, if only he/she were different, did (didn’t do) this way” and so on, but rather built with what is, without remaking the other, because this is futile.
To feel the fullness of happiness, you need to rejoice in simple things - even the fact that you woke up, preferably healthy, that the sun is shining, "the goats are bleating", the water is not poisoned, and the grass is still growing. It is clear that we give simple examples for illustration, but whoever gets to the root, understands.
Illusion, or scientifically "the problem of choice", distances a person from happiness. Sociologists have long substantiated the concept: less choice - more happiness. This is true for all spheres - material and intangible assets.
In certain circumstances, one can be happy in prison, unhappy as the head of government. Sometimes they get divorced too.
How to save
The management model with the conventional name “Sandwich” assumes a conventional analogue of a hamburger, where instead of a bun on top and bottom there is praise, and instead of a conventional cutlet there is criticism.
The model reflects the balance of feedback with other family members or a team, if we are talking about business management, with the result being a feeling of happiness – from the implementation of efforts.
The idea being implemented is that criticism alternates with praise. And it helps to respectfully agree on the actions of all participants if any of the unpleasant situations are repeated.
With such a correct approach, if one of the participants in the relationship violates the agreements or ignores the rules adopted at the family council, he is still not boycotted, but invariably remains “in the loop” - for the benefit of everyone.
When a bright or ambitious person sees recognition for his or her achievements, his or her motivation to work in an environment where he or she is valued increases significantly.
Correct style
It is also a soft style, worthy of attention as an effective method of any management.
However, in addition to correct loyalty, it is important not to reduce attention, control and exactingness in the implementation of agreed tasks, so as not to lose the security of the family unit (including economic), the effectiveness of the actions of all its members, not to lose authority and not allow anarchy and relaxation - non-commitment in the implementation of the agreements reached and the responsibility of each in a specific role.
Don't forget about a healthy atmosphere in your family and team; try not to take your partner out of their comfort zone, but to create it.
For the benefit of this task, joint recreation, well-established communication, joint tasks that combine your (each other's) strengths. A healthy attitude to mistakes without condemnation and finding the guilty, but with analysis, development of solutions and prevention of mistakes in the future.
Trust and forgive. Love and never regret it. Every person wants to be loved. And suffers from the lack of feeling.
Support your partner's talents and gifts, rather than criticize them. All of the above can be summed up in the term "understanding."
What is important to do
So, in short, we can define the movements towards happiness and its preservation with simple concepts: do not expect “excess” from others - appreciate what you have, and therefore treat people and events with humor (both are imperfect, and sometimes present not the most rosy surprises).
This will save you, and it is better than being offended or changing someone, and especially waiting for changes. They may not happen, because the other person has their own idea of happiness with you. Ideas may not coincide - this is normal.
In order to have more happiness and harmony in a relationship, the next step (after the above-mentioned formation of a relationship) is to talk to each other, discuss, clarify positions and, on this basis, build joint specific plans.
Sometimes with division of responsibility. Sometimes with specific actions up to weekly planned actions (actions with expected results). Use the pronoun "we" instead of "I" and "they" - this will bring you closer to happiness. Moreover, the other (partner) is most likely interested in the same.
And then, why not, you will periodically feel not only “butterflies in the stomach”, but also a kind of frisson - a chill adapted to the feeling of being needed from a relationship with a partner you like.
In general, when happiness exists, you don't look for it. You enjoy it. It is impossible to definitely recommend one method of happiness, so the choice is yours.
Earlier we talked about why a man doesn’t propose .
