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How to Ignore Correctly
15.04.2024 17:27
It would seem that there is no answer to this question, or that it is obvious.
What difference does it make if you don't perceive a person or are "sensitive" to him and his situation on schedule? After all, you won't ignore him when you don't want to.
However, even if the object of ignoring is a relative, it is appropriate to act without ignoring the rules, says psychologist Andrei Kashkarov .
A clear understanding of definitions will help with this.
Understanding Definitions
What is ignoring, other than a derivative of "ignoring"? It is a deliberate limitation of attention to a person, to his requests in any or specific form, to his attempts to contact you. The latter is very significant because it is important to correctly analyze the essence of such attempts.
After all, it is precisely when these systematic attempts, sometimes imposed without taking into account your opinion, have the character of a one-sided benefit (for another), that they lead to ignoring – as a cause-and-effect relationship.
If you are “burdened” with other people’s problems (to an excessive extent, because for some time – if you are interested in another – you can tolerate such attempts), if they try to get material or non-material profit at your expense (for example, contribution to the upbringing of children from another marriage), if they threaten, manipulate, blackmail you – it is not surprising that this leads to ignoring and even blocking contacts with an unpleasant, emotionally toxic person.
Often, a relationship can fall under the definition of toxicity, provided that you are contacted only when they need something from you. It is unpleasant to realize this, and human nature logically resists such use of one by another.
When they make a decision (after much reflection and observation) to limit contacts – to ignore the other, they do it comprehensively, radically and fundamentally.
They turn off (block contacts) all means of communication at the same time – both social networks and phones; of course, in the modern world it is almost impossible to ensure anonymity – one way or another you can be found.
But here the calculation is that the “clingy” person will be too lazy to search for you or make attempts at communication: who can endure long-term communication with an unresponsive wall?
In this case, several more points are important.
Double check yourself
Before such a serious step, it is advisable to double-check yourself: will you regret such ignoring of another, because any action in human relations at all times has a feedback - a response.
This is inherent in the imperfect nature of man, and is unchangeable throughout the centuries. Only the forms and methods may change, but not the essence of the responses when one wants to show the other "no, you can't do that to me."
In fact, it is pointless for the prospect of the relationship to show it, as well as to criticize it. But even the wisest of people at all times, in accordance with the sinful nature, make such mistakes, showing emotions.
Don't blame yourself
Second, never blame yourself for your actions. Remember that at a specific moment in time and under specific circumstances, you had the right to do so and acted in accordance with the situation.
The property of human memory is such that over time and new impressions accumulate, positive emotions in past relationships are remembered more, while negative ones become somewhat dulled - precisely because over time the same person acquires new negative experiences - already with other people.
Against which background the former contradictions seem insignificant. But we should not forget that people rarely change their characters radically. That is, do not ignore this knowledge, but take it into account.
This way you understand the basics of cognitive behavioral therapy, but you don't enter the emotional reaction phase.
Warn me
Before ignoring, it is important to repeatedly warn the other (partner) that the current format of the relationship no longer suits you and that you are capable of (and will use, if the impact does not stop) the method of ignoring, “please, no offense.”
Maintain the attitude
Not an attitude towards a person in the manner of "good" or openness to contacts, but one's attitude towards events in any actions. This helps to keep the psyche in a harmonious state.
Do it without malice, gently, correctly, preferably with a smile. As if you are joking or playing; no need to "throw stones" - it will not benefit anyone, and you can get something in return.
But to have a heart-to-heart talk – why not, but only if you feel from the conversation that your partner hears you and is ready to make corrections in his behavior – attitude towards you.
On this topic, there is also a completely original option to understand your need after some time has passed since the start of the ignore.
Original version
This case is from my nephew, a deputy, a man who is outstanding in some areas, but to whom a huge number of people regularly communicate to resolve “selfish” and individual issues.
For "busy" people, the issue of dosing information, communication and the relevance of selective ignoring is justifiably high. So...
Some people regularly go to the bathhouse, and some go out to the embankment every year on May 31 and throw their cell phones into the water with all their might. They penetrate the water layers in their entirety – together with batteries and SIM cards; it is possible that they scare ruffs with a mother-of-pearl sheen on their sides.
On the same day, he buys a new phone and restores the SIM card at the mobile phone company's office - with the same number. Then he waits.
Since the address book in the new phone is empty, no one calls for a while. But a day or two passes, a week, a month - and the calls continue. The user looks at the display: unfamiliar (forgotten) numbers... Turns on; hears a familiar voice. After the conversation, he writes down the number in the "address book". He understands who is still interested in him.
The tradition has been around for a long time. And why is it only the deputy nephew who is called impudent and insensitive? In my opinion, it sounds unfair and inhumane…
However, perhaps if you try to understand, to stand in the place of such a person at least occasionally, many things become clear. At least you can distance yourself from excessively intrusive people and give them a reason to think about their own infantilism in solving pressing issues.
The method of intentional ignoring is not criminal, it is your right and your possibilities - taking into account the above.
Earlier it was told how the day of a successful person ends.
