Introverts and extroverts: a psychologist told how to learn to relax
Closed and sociable people are different birds of a feather. The former are comfortable with a minimum of contacts, the latter die without them.
Extroverts believe that without communication they can’t achieve anything in life, while introverts are self-confident and “silently” move towards success.
On the shelves of bookstores you can find “bestsellers” that tell the secrets of personal happiness and reaching career heights.
Perhaps such books help someone, but we should not forget that each person has their own perception of the world and their own hard-won experience, says psychologist Stanislav Sambursky .
For example, someone dealt with depression in such and such a way. Excellent! He's great! But this doesn't elevate his method to the rank of a panacea, because all people are different. Although an extrovert would argue with this.
It is difficult for extroverts to understand that someone feels good in silence, that a friend does not ask for help. They are bursting to come up, chat, interfere, impose their own, etc. Whereas an introvert does not impose himself on anyone and helps when asked.
Let's imagine Katya - an energetic woman, a wonderful wife and mother. She has a friend Anya, who is still unmarried at 30. And in between her worries, Katya is greatly burdened by the restlessness of her friend, who, it should be noted, likes her own life.
The married lady regularly "accidentally" introduces Anya to her husband's friends, and when she hears a refusal to come, she gets indignant and predicts her lifelong loneliness. Katya is also very offended that no one appreciates her care.
Two friends have been working hard for five days. The weekend is coming – time to replenish resources. One will go to a party, to a sports bar, on a trip, and the other will sit quietly at home, sleep, read, watch TV.
If an introvert goes to watch football with an energetic friend, it will finish him off even more... When he gets home, he will scold himself once again for giving in to the provocation. And it is difficult to resist this, since the extrovert friend is constantly indignant: “How can you spend your weekend so boringly! What are you, an old man? Get ready and go to Sasha’s dacha! You’ll see, it will be fun!”
Fun? No way! By going there, the introvert will lose a productive work week, make mistakes at work, and until next Saturday his battery will signal a low charge.
But if you can hide from your friends, you can’t hide from your other half. Yes, life sometimes presents surprises and brings an introvert together with an extrovert. It’s like Uncle Fyodor’s parents from Prostokvashino: he would like to spend his vacation in the village, and she needs to travel, “show off” her outfits… Time goes by: the eve of weekends and vacations no longer inspires, but darkens. She gets angry in advance for his boring lifestyle, and he puts on his armor and comes up with new reasons to stay home.
It may seem that a union between two opposites is doomed to failure, but it is not. Love is a compromise. It is worth discussing desires conditioned by personal characteristics in advance. For example, agree on alternation: this weekend at home, the next - on a trip.
When agreements cannot be reached, the growing negativity becomes a harbinger of separation. In this case, mental health is more important than a union in which there is no harmony.
