Personal boundaries: how to define and defend them. Advice from psychologist Stanislav Sambursky
It's nice to wake up on Friday. Yes, there's another working day ahead, but it's the last one! Tomorrow will be the weekend, which will give you rest, satisfaction and pleasant emotions. The cherished hour strikes, and you can leave. Here it is - freedom! Hooray!
It doesn't matter what happens on Friday evening, it doesn't matter what the weather is like – as long as they don't call from work. Many people shudder when they hear the phone ringing, because they know that news from the boss doesn't bode well. Sometimes you're lucky, and it's friends who want to offer something interesting, but sometimes the call takes on a mournful tone – the boss...
Someone will say: you can not pick up the phone, and then lie through your teeth. You can, but invented circumstances tend to end, and the consequences of silence are obvious. That is why a trembling hand answers the phone and says: "Hello!"
What does the boss need in his free time? Of course, to give an assignment... Their variations are endless, starting from really important ones to urgent purchase of flowers and cognac with lightning-fast delivery to the head office. Personal life - no! Our dear employee cannot have one. You can always rely on him. Gold, not a man!
It is also discouraging that you can’t say a word against him. At such moments, the boss deliberately chatters and then quickly hangs up… What to do? What to do? The assignment needs to be carried out, and quickly. Plus, you need to warn your family, friends or parents that your plans are being cancelled. This is not an easy task, since your relatives also suffer from such “overwork”. Hearing their reproaches is even harder than the boss’s chatter. Scandals await at home, your personal life is not going well, your marriage is falling apart, your children don’t see their mother/father.
Sooner or later, everyone gets tired of this story, says psychologist Stanislav Sambursky . Spending evenings alone while your loved one is once again doing the boss's bidding is not a good prospect.
So it turns out that the man goes to his friends, drinks, and is where he shouldn't be. The woman also can't stand the constant absence of her husband and goes out to have fun. Parents and friends "help" by advising her to get a divorce, drop everything and start a new life, because why be with someone whose job comes first?
This situation is familiar to many. And it happens because of the inability to protect one's own boundaries. Such a person is always taken advantage of - it is convenient and profitable. It is important to note that this does not happen all at once, but gradually: there he caved in, there he gave in, they pressed on the feeling of guilt, etc. The manipulator never goes on the counter-offensive immediately. First, he tests the waters, finds out how strong the boundaries of his potential victim are, and only then he takes advantage of them.
Protecting your personal boundaries is an important part of a healthy and happy life. Your boss, colleagues, family members – it doesn’t matter who encroaches on your freedom. Protect it right away.
