Counteractions with a narcissist: psychologist Stanislav Sambursky talks about how to act correctly
25.06.2023 19:35
It is impossible to have a healthy relationship with a narcissist.
He is a majestic king who convinces the victim to believe in his infallibility.
Breaking up with such a person is difficult, but possible. Packing up and leaving is an action that will deprive the narcissist of the ground under his feet, says psychologist Stanislav Sambursky .
In dealing with them, there are still several effective tools that can, to put it mildly, take revenge “for all the good.”
You just have to overcome your fear and do the following.
- An educated and analytical person will not overlook a situation when someone from the environment behaves like a pig in private, but in public acts like an “ideal” spouse, parent or colleague. The smartest thing is not to be afraid to tell the narcissist about it directly. Such a revelation will cause aggression. The realization will come that the deception is revealed, the ideal image is destroyed. But the worst thing is that others may soon find out about it.
- The narcissist needs constant attention and admiration. The statement that parents and friends are much more important than him will cause confusion. After all, his victim “does not have the right” to just go and have fun with her friends, spend the night at her father’s house or get carried away by a hobby. He cannot control such actions, so he may use physical violence in response. You can’t do without caution.
- Often, a narcissist behaves childishly. Any requests and wishes are criticized and ridiculed. You can hear from him: "I'll do it later", "Why so early, we'll have time", "It will hurt and then pass." And in the end, the postponed task was never started. All deadlines for the urgent matter have passed, and the sore spot has become so painful that expensive treatment is required. And who is to blame for this? Of course, the victim, but not him. Therefore, it is so important to return responsibility for his own actions, remind him of the chronology of events. Do not agree with the accusations, but directly say that he is to blame for everything.
- It is a brave move to publicly declare the narcissist's mistakes. It does not matter to whom: friends, relatives or strangers. The result will be the same - humiliation on a global scale. Narcissists cannot stand the feeling of shame. It is like a knife to the heart to realize that the illusion of the ideal has collapsed.
- And the last way to plunge a narcissist into a state of shock is a bold refusal of any request. He will not understand how this is possible? Why does the eternally obedient victim no longer want to serve! But before that, you should prepare for aggression. You should not be afraid of it, because the future is at stake, in which the narcissist will think a hundred times before punishing you or exploiting you again.
These levers of influence will help weaken codependency in the relationship. The victim will cease to be one, and the influence of the narcissist will weaken.
