Psychologist Aigul Grand told how to stop having complexes
Since childhood, we are faced with other people’s judgmental opinions about us.
Psychologist Aigul Grand told how to stop having complexes.
It starts with parents and relatives, then kindergarten, school, university, work. In any group there will be those who can influence our self-esteem.
But whether it will soar or crash into complexes with a bang depends on our psychological maturity.
Complexes are formed in us from childhood. Usually critical assessments directed towards a child are associated with the development and acceptance of his mother's nature.
“Change your clothes, you look like a scarecrow,” “comb your hair, you’re looking disheveled,” “how are you sitting” - all these unflattering formulations towards a child are allowed by women who are unfulfilled or who do not accept their child.
Of course, both parents contribute to the formation of complexes, but the role of the mother in this process is much more significant.
In psychology, there are concepts of maternal and paternal complexes. We have to overcome them in order to learn to evaluate ourselves objectively, and not through the parental "lens".
Jung divided the maternal complex into positive and negative. And the stronger the attachment to the mother, the more pronounced its influence.
The negative scenario is a consequence of parental criticism. It gives rise to a denial of one's own self-worth, self-doubt, inability to positively evaluate one's actions and accept praise, and to appropriate one's own achievements.
In its extreme manifestation, this complex is expressed in the formulation “just not like mom!”, sacrifice in romantic relationships, in the search for approval from others.
A positive maternal complex leads to another distortion – idealization of oneself. People who have bathed in maternal love know how to enjoy life, are infantile, and do not take responsibility.
The father complex is realized according to a similar scenario. The positive scenario gives men success, friendliness, trust in authorities, and women - idealization of men and dependence on compliments about their appearance.
The negative father complex hits boys the hardest. Critical expressions of the parent towards him lead to the fact that, already having become an adult, the man will seek approval from significant male figures: the boss, a more experienced colleague, a coach. At the same time, he will devalue his achievements.
Whose influence will ultimately be stronger is explained by the connection with gender. For boys, it is the image of a man, and not necessarily a father.
If he showed no interest in his son or was not present in the family life at all, the role of a significant man can be taken by a grandfather, uncle, teacher. For girls, this is a mother, grandmother, aunt, etc.
It is important to understand that complexes, like a distorting mirror, deprive us of the ability to objectively perceive reality and ourselves.
Getting rid of them will take a long journey of acceptance, forgiveness, and letting go of past hurts and labels, as well as strengthening your own self-esteem.
Every person is unique, beautiful in their own way, has the right to be who they want to be, and not depend on the opinions of others. As soon as this realization occurs, even the most caustic comments will lose their power over you.
