Psychologist Alla Buchkova explained what the fobu phenomenon is: why it is dangerous and how to work through it
One of the most prominent irrational fears and anxiety states that has become widespread in modern society is the fear of being useless.
Psychologist Alla Buchkova explained what the fobu phenomenon is: why it is dangerous and how to work through it.
Its characteristic manifestations include:
- a persistent feeling of one's own uselessness, irrelevance, inferiority;
- perfectionism;
- physical and nervous tension, feeling of heaviness;
- hypercontrol;
- overloading oneself with work, striving for constant busyness;
- lack of self-confidence based on a sense of one's own incompetence and insufficient effort;
- orientation towards the opinions of others and the need for their approval;
- high degree of self-criticism;
- fear of making mistakes;
- a feeling of guilt for resting (usually they exhaust themselves so much that at a certain point they just lie down and lie there like a sheet, procrastinate, which causes even more guilt);
- development of psychosomatic, depressive, asthenic, panic and/or anxiety manifestations against the background of emotional exhaustion.
If you have noticed at least a third of the above-described signs, then this may indicate the manifestation of FOBU – the fear of being useless.
The danger of the fear of being useless is that as a result of unplanned and ineffective actions, the desired result is either not achieved or does not lead to satisfaction.
At the same time, at the exit, the person is physically and emotionally exhausted, which affects his health in general. Since he cannot fully rest, having caught his breath a little, he again rushes to the embrasure, sets a new goal.
It is obviously unattainable due to the lack of strength and understanding of what exactly a person needs. Again, burnout, exhaustion, procrastination. And so on in a vicious circle.
At the same time, each turn becomes more and more difficult due to the increase in anxiety, panic and depression, as well as loss of health. In this regard, FOBU needs to be worked through.
How can we minimize the manifestations of the fear of being useless?
Let's look at an example. Anfisa (name chosen at random), driven by FOBU, decided to open her own beauty salon. She wants to be successful like everyone else.
Works to the point of exhaustion, often even at a loss, 24/7 all thoughts are about work, checks each employee's work to make sure it is perfect, gets involved in all processes, strives to please everyone. As a result, FOBU only gets stronger, and she still feels worthless, useless, incapable of anything.
Six months later, the salon closes, which further worsens the entrepreneur’s condition.
What can Anfisa do to minimize this alarming manifestation:
- understand why she needs a business;
- set goals based on your values;
- set realistic goals, break large ones into smaller ones, notice even your small achievements;
- take into account your own pace, characteristics, needs and experience;
- build on strengths and talents;
- introduce stable, controllable moments into your daily routine, such as sleeping at the same time, eating and walking on a schedule;
- establish a system of rest and recuperation;
- learn to work in a team, delegate;
- approach the solution of the problem systematically, changing the strategy if necessary;
- seek professional psychological help to work with confidence and self-reliance;
- create an accepting, supportive environment around you.
Depending on the situation, recommendations for working with FOBU may change, but the main ones will remain unchanged: developing self-reliance, confidence, cultivating a responsible position, working with setting energizing and inspiring goals based on true values, increasing the efficiency of activities, establishing a daily routine with mandatory systematic rest and restoration of resources.
