Psychologist Maria Nikolaeva told how to change your self-esteem
When it comes to changing your self-esteem, for some it means raising it, for others it means lowering it.
Maria Vladimirovna Nikolaeva is a professional philosopher and orientalist. Mentor of experts in the field of self-development. The author of the scientific monograph "The Concept of We and the Judgment of Our Will" told how to change your self-esteem.
In any case, it is necessary to restore an adequate idea of oneself. Here certain criteria of reality are needed, what this person is really like.
And here a very difficult situation arises, because the very concept of reality is very slippery, it is no coincidence that materialists and idealists will never agree on their views.
This means that adapting to the opinion of the majority, what people think about me, is also not good.
You could do an anonymous survey to find out the real opinion of others about yourself, or just analyze direct statements and indirect gossip. But no one knows you better than you do, and people can be wrong one way or the other.
That is why it is much more productive to change your self-esteem not according to someone else’s external criteria, but according to the qualities that you need to achieve your goals.
You will like or dislike yourself if you do or don't do what you want.
Let's say you have a fragile constitution and are teased as a weakling, but your goal is to become a violinist, not a loader or an athlete. And if you are generally healthy, then it is much more important to establish yourself in your musical studies, rather than suffer from an inferiority complex.
Let's say you are self-confident in your actions, but often make mistakes, although you are admired simply because you are beautiful and artistic.
Here you should not delude yourself, but focus on correcting your abilities in order to make an effort and get the right result.
In the examples given, one person needs to raise his self-esteem, and another - to lower it. However, such demands on oneself in both cases do not come from external reflection, not from the desire to please and please everyone, but from a sober understanding of reality and goals.
Of course, friendly support and professional criticism are directly related to your true ideals, so such aids in correcting self-esteem should not be dismissed as extraneous and worthless; they do not confuse you, but clarify the situation.
And, finally, no less skill in self-awareness will be required from a person with adequate self-esteem, which should not be changed under any circumstances, although many will try to influence his self-determination in one direction or another - balance is very important!
The main thing to remember is that self-esteem is by definition subjective, it cannot and should not be standard, and first of all, you must have peace and harmony with yourself in your soul.
Self-esteem is entirely in your power; you can change it exclusively in your favor.
