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Psychologist Elena Katsyuba explained how interactions between people occur
21.02.2023 18:14
Updated: 14.04.2023 05:40
There is no magic pill or universal advice that would help you begin to understand other people.
Elena Katsyuba, psychologist, psychosomatologist, told how interaction between people occurs.
This is not necessary, because most of us cannot even predict our own actions, let alone the intentions and plans of “other people’s souls.”
For example, we can consider ourselves a completely good person, and then do something that no one, not even you, expected from you. The same thing with other people.
Communication is based on benefit
There are many tips on the Internet about how to form an opinion about a person based on their gestures, posture, actions, etc. But these methods have so many errors that it is difficult to consider them effective.
For example, it is believed that a closed posture (crossed arms and legs) is a sign of mistrust of the interlocutor. But there may be a situation where a person is really very interested in what he is listening to now, but he feels either cold or an urgent need to go to the toilet.
The physical discomfort he experiences forces him to adopt a closed position.
How then to interact with other people? Let's start with the fact that any communication between people is based not on what kind of person you are in front of, but on what he can give you. That is, it's all about benefit.
For example, a person is a highly qualified specialist, which means I will communicate with him because I want to adopt some experience from him. Or a person is a very interesting storyteller, I want to communicate with him because it gives me positive emotions.
At the same time, your interlocutor maintains communication with you because he also sees some benefit in you. And this may even be that you simply know how to listen to him attentively and with interest. And as long as the interaction “you - to me, I - to you” holds, this communication will continue.
Communication is like playing with balls
Schematically, the process of building communication between people can be described as a game of ball. For example, I see that there is an interesting interlocutor in front of me, I "throw a small ball" to him - I suggest starting a conversation. If he comes to meet me, then he "throws the ball" back, and we establish communication.
According to the unspoken rules of our society, if I "throw a ball" and the other person catches it, then when the "ball" comes back to me, I have to catch it too in order to continue the conversation. But in reality, no one owes anything to anyone. If a person no longer sees any benefit, then he can stop communicating.
When we deepen relationships, we "throw the ball" harder. For example, you need help, you ask your new acquaintance for it. If he sees benefit in it, he will catch it. And your communication moves to a higher level, because you already know that you can count on him.
At the same time, if I want communication to remain at the same level, I understand that when a "heavy ball" flies back to me, I must also catch it. And the heavier the "balls", the more understanding and trust arises between people.
In this scheme, two people always play, and it is tested only by time. And only by the "weight of the balls" can one understand how deep the level of trust between people is.
