Psychologist Olga Andronchik told how to improve relations with your mother-in-law
The mother-in-law is a character in many jokes, ditties and humorous sketches.
Psychologist Olga Andronchik told how to improve relations with your mother-in-law.
Sometimes, of course, it's not funny at all.
Relationships are not something that just happens. They need to be built. The same principle should be followed in the relationship with your mother-in-law.
There is a small complication. Most often, the mother-in-law (your husband's mother) has complaints precisely because she thinks and sees in you something dangerous or not reasonable enough for her son. And the difficulty is that we cannot force anyone to love and respect us.
Your husband plays an important role in this action.
1. Ask him to show calm and respect towards you in the presence of his mother (I hope this is true, otherwise the chances are very slim).
2. In case of criticism from your mother-in-law, he needs to be on your side in any case (and discuss the details of the situation in person, if necessary).
3. If your husband still lives his mother’s life and considers her his family, you and your marriage have BIG problems.
Advice specifically for you.
- Accept the fact that your husband's mother is a stranger. And if she doesn't accept you or doesn't love you, that's her choice.
- Determine your boundaries of your mother-in-law's permitted participation in your family life. Tell your husband about it. If necessary, bring it to the attention of his mother.
- Be on top. Don't stoop to anger, rage, tears and shouting. Express your demands clearly and confidently.
- Build a relationship with your husband, your happiness is in your hands.
- Don't be silent when you don't like something.
- Defend your boundaries (and these are time, space, things, money, mood, health, etc.).
- Your husband is not your property, he is an adult who has the ability to express his opinion independently. But the family hearth and home are your domain, and you are the mistress here.
- The most important advice. Don't fight for your husband. Your mother loves him unconditionally, and her love can be shown in different ways. It's their relationship. You need to see if your husband is ready for his family.
There are cases of wonderful relations between a daughter-in-law and mother-in-law. I admit, this happens more often when women are wise and psychologically healthy.
If this is exactly your case, then it makes sense to maintain and develop these relationships.
1. Buy tickets to a concert and go with her.
2. Invite your mother-in-law for tea.
3. Discuss with her her favorite book or TV show.
4. Love and respect her son.
5. Consult her on some issues in which she is strong.
6. Be attractive and in a good mood.
7. Start a tradition of having a family lunch or dinner and invite her and your parents.
8. Don't bring your grandchildren and expect help from her if you see that she doesn't like it. The children are yours first and foremost. She doesn't owe you anything.
In general, following a simple and clear rule, you can feel at ease no matter how other people treat you.
"Your mother-in-law is a stranger to you. She owes you NOTHING. But she shouldn't ruin your life either. Here you'll have to strain yourself and set your boundaries for everyone who doesn't understand.
Love yourself! Be decent. Develop yourself personally and spiritually. Your development will transform the space around you.
