Psychologist Andrey Kashkarov told how to get rid of love
For the human psyche, falling in love is a desirable stressor that activates all body systems and is therefore already useful.
This is because the source of mental health is not so much within a person, but in his relationships with others.
Another thing is what will happen as a result, and this is what scares many people. If you have entered into emotional (and closer) contact with a person, it will be difficult to forget him for some time.
Consequences of trust, consequences of mistakes. To understand how to get rid of it, you need to know what falling in love is.
According to an ancient tradition (parable), there lived a man, and for his sins he was divided into two halves, and now these “halves” are supposedly trying to unite, that is, they are in search of each other.
But no one knows what their other half looks like (not just externally), so often, yearning, they accept what is there, what is available and shows mutual feelings.
Then, over time (this period – before a stable habit – is conditional love) from experience of communication it becomes clear that the “half” is not quite yours, sometimes two people believe that they have united in the “third half”, in a child, and live together not so much out of habit, but for the sake of the children.
And children, growing up, look for their other half and dream of independence, to quickly leave the control of their own parents. In approximately this way, humanity is becoming even more "halved" and fragmented.
A rather strange feeling for a typical person is the desire to get rid of being in love. After all, no one said that being in love is only euphoria from happiness; it is also suffering, at least during the period of adaptation of characters in a couple.
There are actually many cases when a person tries to consciously give up a partner, a love affair, and achieves only temporary success in this, then the desire to reunite arises again.
Therefore, you can try, but “only an insurance policy provides a guarantee,” says psychologist Andrei Kashkarov .
Moreover, there is no exact meaning of love and being in love. It is a mystery of nature. Yes, it is possible to explain the concepts with medical, neurophysiological, sociological and psychological tools and make some recommendations based on them, which is what is happening around.
However, generalizations and "recipes" help almost no one. All this is a half-measure - a palliative, just like the path to understanding the truth. There is nothing "true" or "incorrect", "logical" or illogical", just like life (until death) the truth is infinite.
Yes, lovers are partly (in a non-medical sense) "crazy", sometimes such judgments take place from the outside. But how to understand a person who cannot bear the "torment of communication" with the object of his desires and at the same time wants, cannot do otherwise, close communication with the object of admiration.
There are literally two sets of contradictory information. Which is the starting point for ending a relationship when you are in love. The main thing here is to realize the moment, to understand that it cannot be otherwise.
In terms of specific recommendations, we note the following.
To get rid of being in love, it is necessary to implement two important aspects - replacement reactions and an outburst of emotions. Attracting and increasing "happiness hormones". This could be a new partner. And dark chocolate. And travel. And sports. So, having given up the previous close relationship, you will feel much better.
From physical exercises - breathing exercises. On a deep breath, count to 4 (each count is approximately 1 time per second), on an exhale - count to 6 and, if possible, hold your breath for a couple of seconds.
Alternatively, in a moment of rage and anger, silently and without breathing exercises, count to 8-10 and then in reverse order.
This helps to restore the ability to think without the emotional factor, so as not to say unnecessary and superfluous things to your partner, because why do you need his reaction to your attack? In reality, only an incorrigible narcissist would act like that.
"Closing" your feelings and refusing to communicate in love, talk "with the mirror". It works. Because for some people it is easier to write (in messengers) than to say even on the phone: such are the peculiarities.
Therefore, when you are alone in a room, talk in front of a mirror as if you were talking to a partner, it is especially important to do this before writing “nasty things” to him.
This method (above) continues the options of "splashing out" emotions on paper or talking to a mirror. Write on a piece of paper or tell the mirror everything you think about the person who upset you, and it will become much easier. The paper can then be crumpled or torn. The splash of emotion is important - and this is one of the options.
Theological and religious practices. It is not even a matter of what religious praxis (ordination) a person belongs to, but that he hopes for otherworldly forces and receives a "pill of support", this has an effect on the human psyche, even if we are talking about a conditional "placebo".
A great way for women is to buy something. Whatever the purchase is in terms of volume or value – it is easy to cheer yourself up. As well as gastronomic pleasure.
In general, we have come to another important step in terms of replenishing positive emotions when giving up on falling in love – surprise yourself. This will help you cope with the subjective perception of injustice towards you (from another) in past relationships. This is another way of “substitute practice” that was discussed above.
Try not to postpone these events. Because everything good happens in time.
It is important to give in to emotions, not to keep feelings inside, to look for ways to release them. You can hit a punching bag in the gym or run long distances. Knit, embroider, paint pictures. Write books, finally.
Throwing out all your feelings about your former crush and its object. It's tempting to discuss the situation with friends and relatives, but this is not the best option.
In this situation, both mediocrity (of grades) and genius are equally useless. You need to understand the main thing - do you want to leave this crush, and this question is unlikely to appear in your mind only once, you will think about it with different frequency.
Therefore, it is important to decide whether it is necessary to “close the issue.” If it is necessary, the issue will, of course, be closed.
We are mistaken, we again seek contacts with the opposite sex and never find them to the extent that they fully and always correspond to our ideas. We described this in the first paragraphs - about "halves".
Without accepting this (with consciousness), we search again and again, and again we make mistakes. It is easier to accept…
We do not want to conquer any other. We want, in today's turbulent world, to extend our control to the borders of another and, preferably, to subordinate it to our own purposes.
But people don't know what to do with this "other" (partner), because he is already a specifically formed world. They try to remake him, but it's pointless, and this is the tragedy of typical failed personal relationships.
We are in the stupid position of a person who is striving for a personal goal that he is afraid to achieve together with another. We don’t even need other worlds. We need a “mirror” in another. A person needs a person.
