Psychologist Svetlana Averina told how to survive betrayal
The problem of betrayal and psychological help in living through it is one of the most frequent requests in psychological practice.
Psychologist Svetlana Averina told how to survive betrayal.
Life shows that there are very, very few people who have not encountered betrayal. To one degree or another, each person has experienced it in various forms and relationships at different periods of their lives.
Many married couples face betrayal and experience this negative phenomenon depending on their thinking and behavior programs, generic scenarios and mental constructs inherent in them.
Cheating can cause a lot of pain if a person does not understand its real essence and what it entails.
As a psychologist, I do not take sides. I have my own unconventional view of the problem of betrayal, which I want to share with our readers. This approach suggests rising to the level of the Observer and analyzing betrayal from all sides.
Cheating in the generally accepted sense is manifested as interaction with two or more people to satisfy sexual and other needs.
A person who does not receive emotional and physical satisfaction with his partner seeks it on the side in relationships with others.
An alternative view on cheating.
Cheating is a person's dishonesty with himself and, as a result, dishonesty in his relationship with his partner.
Having an affair with another person is simply a result of dishonesty with your partner. Cheating happens between partners within a couple.
The algorithm of this process is implemented as follows.
A cheating partner cannot admit to himself or herself and sincerely convey to his or her partner that he or she is not getting the satisfaction he or she expects from their relationship and interaction.
And the partner who is being cheated on does not understand or cannot admit that he does not feel the desires of his partner and cannot fully realize them to satisfy his needs.
As a result, synchronization in the couple is disrupted and parallel relationships are built on the side.
How to survive betrayal.
If there is cheating in your couple's life, do not rush to blame your partner, yourself, or even third parties. The main thing you need to do is to understand what the real reason was.
Psychological help for couples who have experienced betrayal shows that properly living through such a traumatic experience can serve as a springboard to the quality development of relationships.
Moreover, there are two main paths: preserving the family and moving to a higher quality level of relationships, or divorce and choosing a new life partner.
Cheating brings with it a lot of experiences, negative emotions and thoughts. Therefore, it is important to learn to distance yourself from them using switching techniques. Remember what usually brings you back to a resourceful state and do it.
It is also important to remember that it is always more difficult to understand another person, even a close one, than yourself. Therefore, you need to start analyzing the situation from your side.
To do this, turn your attention inward, what emotions and feelings you experience most often, what you think about, how you behave in everyday life.
Analyzing this will give you an understanding of what you need to work on in yourself so that such traumatic situations do not happen again in your life, regardless of whether it is with your previous partner or with a new life partner.
Ask yourself specific questions.
- What exactly do I do to make my partner happy with me?
- What is my contribution to the development of our union?
- What benefit do I bring to our couple?
Answer as honestly as possible, and the answers will show you a lot. If they are negative, then in no case should you blame yourself. Just accept this information and use it as a basis for positive changes in your life.
It is worth understanding that your partner is not your property. Give him or her freedom of choice, let them make the final decision themselves. Remove strict control, do not humiliate your dignity with surveillance and gossip.
If you understand that there are still sincere feelings between you, then try to do everything in your power to maintain and correct the relationship.
Thank each other for being in your lives, do not devalue each other, praise and admire your spouses.
Create warmth, comfort, peace and pleasure so that you always want to return to each other's arms. Be interesting, develop your energy, strength, sexuality, self-sufficiency, self-confidence.
And then your partner will never want to take his eyes off you, let alone go left. It is worth noting that this will work if there is Love in the couple.
The recommendations outlined in this article will help you survive betrayal and make the right decision to develop or end the relationship.
Cheating is not always a reason to get divorced, but it is a great reason to look inside yourself and at your life.
